This afternoon my wife admitted to me that she had a bit of a panic attack while at the grocery store today. She heard a child start whining and crying about something. She said that all she could think of is, "What am I doing? I can't have a baby. I'm not ready!"

And I admitted to her that I have been having that exact thought about every week or two.

When we first found out M was pregnant I had that bit of a freak-out almost daily. Over the weeks and months it has gotten better, at least to the point where most of the time I'm happy and looking forward to our little girl. But I still have that momentary freak-out every now and then.

I guess what I'm driving at is this: is this normal? I have been avoiding having children most of my adult life and I had come to the conclusion that I would never have to worry about it.

In the last year M and I had desided to, well not try to have a baby, but we wouldn't "prevent" it either. Kind of leave it in God's hands.

At the same time I was working second shift, so quite literally I would only see M from Saturday morning to Sunday evening and that was it. So I expected to take a LONG TIME before we would even have to worry about pregnancy being a possibility.

I guess God had other plans.

Enough rambling, I gotta get back to work.

I'm Alive... So Far...