About a year ago, I started having “conversations” via facebook with an ex-something or other named, Todd. We hadn’t laid eyes (or any other body part for that matter!) on each other for about ten years or so and after we were done the “oh my goodness, you’re a daddy/mommy, where are you now, what are you doing?” stuff, we started yakking about everything under the sun. And while the conversations were often pretty heavy and the questions were pretty emotional at times, we tried to keep it light by adding a “random thought” at the end of every message.

Things like, “the piece of pork in a can of pork and beans is not good eating” (him). Or, “I smell like baby puke” (me).

And I looked forward to those random thoughts in a embarrassing way. Sometimes it was those weird little thoughts that offered the most insight, even more than the paragraphs of bad grammar and bad spelling and bottled up emotions from ten years prior.

Eventually our conversations fizzled into nothing, much like Todd and I did a decade ago and to be honest, I really didn’t miss it. But then the other day, there he was in my inbox on facebook again and we started chatting again and re-re-discovered each other, with enough bad grammar and bad spelling to keep my eyes squinting at the screen.

No random thoughts at the end of the message this time, though, and I gotta tell ya… I miss them!

So what better way to fill a blog post than with random thoughts for all of you! Oh the joy… (stop complaining…it’s that or listen to me whine…)

Random thought number one:

If Don never came to Janet Land to visit, I might never clean my bedroom. I tackled the dust bunnies (I think they’re starting a revolution…or at least are unionizing…) and the clutter this morning while Michael napped. I’m not technically finished, yet. My bed still has a whole bunch of random items laying on it, like little trinket orphans, waiting to find a home.

Random thought number two:

I think I might be destined to never have another pedicure. Really. It’s sad. I know. Remember when I blogged about my first ever pedicure? And then blogged about how much I liked it? Right, well, apparently the first one was also the last one because despite a promise from this boy I know with a foot fetish (oh get over it…nobody cares…really…it’s not even that weird and it’s not like I’m telling all of them what you do with my feet…of course, I guess when you couple your love of les pieds with adult breastfeeding it does get a little, um, “unique”…maybe I should delete that…) for a paid for pedicure every month because he likes the toes to be painted and I fucking hate doing it with a passion, I have yet to receive another professional pedicure. * Sigh * Looks like I’ll be spreading the Wet ‘N Wild polish on again myself…

Random thought number three:

Man, am I hungry.

Random thought number four:

Maybe I should shut the fuck up and get something to eat, eh?

Random thought number five:

Fuck it.

Random thought number six:

I smell like maple. My sweat smells like maple and my, um, well you know…smells like maple and the teen, tiny bit of breast milk I make smells like maple and even my pee smells like maple. It’s because of the Fenugreek I’m taking. It makes everything smell like maple. You can ask Don. My sweat doesn’t even stink when I’m taking this stuff and now that I’ve been thinking about it, they should really start using that to promote the herb, don’t you think? I mean, how many people have body odour problems? Or sweat profusely? And this would at least take care of the stink! It’s almost reason enough for me to keep taking it and I’m not a particularly smelly person…just think of all of the smelly people you meet on a public transit bus or get stuck behind in the line at the grocery store that could be helped!

Random thought number seven:

I need to start back to school shopping. I’m behind. Really, really far behind. So far I have purchased NOTHING for either of the girls. And the thing is, they both need EVERYTHING before the start of school. And that’s not even taking into account the fact that little Michael has nothing for fall, either. But up until now I haven’t been able to afford to go. Actually, I still can’t afford to go. Which sucks. Ass. And it’s times like these when I urge all of you wonderful American folk to stop into your local Target and say a prayer of thanks because damn, it’s cheap there and I wish I could do the back to school shopping with the kids at Target. I’d save so much. Guess it’s Value Village again this year, eh?

Random thought number eight:

I have no idea what to do with my laundry anymore. The days start out cloudy and gloomy and chilly but then they usually warm up some by mid-morning which makes me think that I should put my laundry on the beloved clothesline. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But here’s the thing… I can never tell if it’s going to cloud over and rain by the afternoon. Case in point, on Monday, I hung out a huge load of laundry because the sky was finally clear and beautiful and then the clouds rolled in, it stormed about three times in a row and I didn’t have time to run out to get the clothes. So I had to start all over again the next day. And yes, I was some kind of crabby about it. But then yesterday, the opposite thing happened and now I just don’t know what to do and do you think it means I have no life if I’m spending so much time worrying about a clothesline?

Random thought number nine:

I received an invite to MellowDee’s weddingmoon reception at the end of September and ever since I checked out her and J’s website I have been happily daydreaming and distracting myself from the knee deep bullshit I’m surrounded by with thoughts of Kelowna and seeing Mel again after all these years and finally meeting J and meeting my American Boy in Toronto to connect to BC and shopping for swanky outfits before the reception to avoid packing any and kicking it British Columbia style and spending the night in a fancy schmancy hotel to celebrate our own one year thingie. And maybe I’m being drawn out west for a reason, even if my body hasn’t moved and only my thoughts are traveling.

Random thought number ten:

I just smelled Don, I swear to Dog.

Random thought number eleven:

I need to be touched. Really badly. Not in a dirty way (although, I can’t lie…I wouldn’t say no to that, either!). I just need to be touched. With the exception of one hug that made me cry from Rock the other day, I have not been touched by anyone over the age of seven since I watched my American Boy disappear behind the elevator doors at the airport in Manchester, New Hampshire. And I miss being touched. A lot.

Random thought number twelve:

The girls are completely and totally addicted to the TLC show, “John and Kate Plus Eight”. Have you guys checked this one out? I get shivers every time they watch it. Every time the “little kids” start screaming or whining about something, every time I watch that woman prepare a meal, every time I watch one of the older girls have a tantrum that is so like Emma it’s unbelievable in the middle of a room full of toddlers, every time they show the parents loading the kids onto the bus thing they call a car, I want to curl up into the fetal position, tuck my thumb in my mouth and mumble incoherently. Luckily, it’s on twice a day…

Random thought number thirteen:

I just had a laughing fit, sitting here all by my lonesome (okay, I’m not really alone…Michael is climbing up the computer chair and batting at the keys and saying, “no!” every few seconds to the cordless phone…but it’s pretty close to being alone…as close as I get these days…ending the bracket now) because I remembered “If I can’t get laid, then fuck it…I’m eating”. And now I’m laughing again.

Random thought number fourteen:

This random thought might make number thirteen make a bit more sense.

My boy is hurting. Seems he has a hernia (what’s it called again, my sweet?) and a really bad flare up of his existing acid reflux disease. It started on Friday. And while he called me at lunch today to tell me that things were feeling a bit better, it still isn’t gone away…the new medication needs time to work… and I feel badly for him because he’s been in a lot of pain. In addition to the pain, he hasn’t been able to eat very much at all. And this man likes to eat. I’ve never met anyone who liked food as much as I did… talking about food, eating food, shopping for food…so it’s really bothering him. And the word bothering isn’t doing the emotion justice. I spent about fifteen minutes listening to him tell me all of the things he wanted to eat just as soon as this medication kicked in. And in the middle of my saying a sentence, he blurted out, “HOT CHOCOLATE WITH WHIPPED CREAM!”

Random thought number fifteen:

Michael has figured out how to take the lid off of his sippy cup. It’s now every man for himself.

See you in Hell.