Today is Emma’s birthday party with her friends. I don’t know why I agree to these things, honestly. I don’t even like kids, especially the little girls she’s invited over for today. And quite frankly, I can’t really bring myself to do much in preparation. Not yet, anyway. I’m sure I’ll run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off a few hours before hand. But for right now, I just want to ignore the fact that in a few hours, my house will be full of giggling, shrieking, sugar infused girls. Someone put me out of my misery.

Don and I had hoped that he would be able to be here this weekend for the party. It’s harder and harder to put one foot in front of the other with every day that passes. It’s been about three weeks since I was visiting in the land of milk and honey (ah ha ha ha ha ha!) and in some ways, it seems impossible that three weeks have elapsed and in other ways, it feels like an eternity ago. We have two weeks to go. I will be flying out of Ottawa on June 21. Two weeks. Too long.

So, we tried. We tried to work in a little weekend visit with no real agenda. A “not a big deal” visit. But between flights that were far too expensive and mandatory training and everything I needed to get done before this weekend….it just didn’t work.

So we had to surrender the fantasy.

It sucks.

I gave Don a list of things to do to prepare for my visit in two weeks in the hopes that one, he will have more than one piddly pillow (ha) and two, it would distract him and make the time pass a bit quicker. I was hoping it would fill him with an excited good feeling about the visit ahead.

And now, on this Saturday morning, I feel the overwhelming urge to make a list of my own. To distract myself from the fact that I woke up alone this morning, my shirt up around my armpits, and Kate nuzzling me. To distract myself from the fact it’s been three weeks since I’ve felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder. To distract myself from the fact that he’s not here. I’m not there.

And so, without further adieu, here’s my list of distracting preparations.

1. Kill the kids. Oh no, wait…that has nothing to do with preparing for the visit, does it? That’s like an everyday goal.

2. Get a pedicure. I received a gift certificate for a pedicure at the local spa for my birthday. I’ve never had a proper pedicure, have never really paid much attention to my feet in general to be honest. Until Don. And while I usually hate the sensation of going sockless, for some reason, I am often barefoot when I’m with him. So, a fancy schmancy pedicure seems to be in order. I’m a little nervous. What if I have the grossest, ugliest feet they’ve ever seen? It could happen….

3. Prepare for and celebrate Kate’s birthday. Her actual birthday is Monday, June 23. But we’ll be celebrating next weekend. And then the following weekend, when I’m away, my parents will throw another party for Kate. So, don’t worry about her being deprived, okay? She’s got it fucking made. But it does mean that I have to move my ass to get everything ready by next weekend. This is why I don’t recommend having two children in the same month. It’s as fucking expensive as Christmas.

4. Sit down and talk with Rock. We have to go over the dates and he needs to figure out what kind of time he’s going to take off and who will baby sit when he’s working, etc. So far, he hasn’t been real willing but…he went out last night. He’s still not home. He went out with a girl. A girl he met last weekend when he went out. He has a crush on her. And I’m ecstatic. Because just having a crush on her made him more likeable and easier to be around. I’m hoping the dude got laid. If he got a piece…well, maybe he’ll finally figure some shit out with me. Cross your fingers and hope that some booty was had by all!

5. Shop for and buy a bigger carry on bag. I’m not checking any baggage because it just takes too long to pick it up and go through customs and check it again. And last time, I arrived well before the bag did and went without everything I had packed, so it’s just too risky and possibly pointless. I’m allowed two carry on bags. I have one decent one. I need another one. Cuz I have to fit a lot of shit into it. Course, I’m not too worried about what to pack since I’ll be coming home in a car complete with trunk and back seat. Did someone say Target?

6. Kill the kids. Oops. I said that already.

Looking back at that list makes me realize that I might want to find some other ways of distracting myself, eh? That’s not that much to get done! Course, finding a spot to hide the bodies will probably take time…

Happy Saturday, Everyone! And happy weekend!