I do believe in Karma.

Which means that I must have royally pissed * someone * off in a past life. Or maybe even in this life (I say that like it’s so unbelievable, eh? Like I don’t piss people off on a daily fucking basis! Ha!).

I spent forty minutes outside in the cold, pouring rain (we’d better get some May flowers…) waiting for the bus this morning. I spent forty minutes in the pouring rain with a baby whose chest is already rattling. I spent forty minutes in the pouring rain STARVING and with only one sugary coffee in my system. I spent forty minutes in the pouring rain after getting very little sleep because the baby’s chest is rattling, his Dad put him in a sleeper that is too small and his gums are bleeding from teething. I spent forty minutes in the pouring rain after waking up abruptly to find that Rock had slept past his alarm and we were already almost an hour behind schedule. Kiss the morning shower good bye.

I spent forty minutes outside in the cold, pouring rain, waiting for a bus that wasn’t coming.

Someone make it stop.

Every other bus was running and running on time. But after about half an hour of waiting and watching buses I had never seen before pass us by, I started to think that maybe just bus number 145K was cancelled. It’s happened before when the rain has been heavy and a couple of side roads were flooded.

I herded the kids into the breezeway and went inside to grab the phone. I knew that Rock was working around the shop and was not going to a job site today so he was close by. I phoned him and told him about the bus, hoping that he could come home and drive the girls to school.

He wouldn’t.

His exact words to me were, “Oh. That sucks. Well, I have to go.” Click.

At this point, we had been outside for forty minutes. Everyone was soaked to the bone, including the baby with the rattling chest, despite our umbrellas. I stayed in the breezeway for a few more minutes before deciding to give up the good fight and take everyone inside.

Another day with all three kids at home.

Someone make it stop.

I sent the girls down to the basement to take off their wet snowsuits and boots and proceeded to undress Michael and hang his wet snowsuit over the heater. The girls came upstairs, I unloaded their lunch kits and tucked them into the fridge and then, just like that…..

The bus went by.

Someone make it stop.

Kate started almost immediately to cry. Emma has a sore throat and could probably have stayed home anyway, but she was upset, too and missing her friends.

And I wanted to cry. Hard.

Fuck. Me.

Someone make it stop.

So, here we are, second day in a row, all of the kids home. M was supposed to come today for a visit with Michael but I called to cancel. Between Emma’s sore throat and the fact that the girls are home and it’s almost impossible to concentrate fully on an exercise with Kate running around in her deranged fairy like demeanour, it just wasn’t meant to be.

I’m going to try to be “one of those mothers” today. I’m going to stay away from the computer, do only the minimal amount of housework and laundry and try to come up with a way to make this a fun day together. And I’ve decided to take the kids out for dinner tonight, even if it’s just to McDonald’s or something. I’ll return my t-shirts and use the money to buy dinner and resign myself to the ageing shirts hanging in my closet. I’m going to take them to Wal Mart and buy them both a new toothbrush (they get really excited about toothbrushes and toothpaste…I have no idea why…) and then we’re going to go to the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends we’ve run out of.

In other words, I’m going to be a weekend Mom on a Tuesday.

I’m going to take my turn.

I do believe in Karma.

Which means that I must have done something really, really good in a past life. Or maybe even in this life.

Because the weight of my past…or at least PART of the weight of my past…was lifted from me last night.

Because someone * finally * let me give out some details instead of merely boiling everything down to a three word sentence.

Because the American Boy did NOT take the out last night.

Because the American Boy will NEVER take the out.

Because he stops me from sinking. Stops me from going down too deep. Stops me from going so far I can’t find which way is up.

And the word, “unconditional” has taken on a new meaning.

As has the word, “love”.

I must have done * something * right to deserve this.

And I’m still not sure how I got to be so lucky.

Happy Tuesday, Everyone! And Happy April, too!

p. s. I’m pregnant.