Of the Janet Land adventure, that is.

I’m tabling my yakking about disability and sexuality for a while. I haven’t given up on the topic, yet, but a break is definitely in order. If you haven’t already, please do check out Don’s post, “Just A Start” to get an idea of where my passion for the subject comes from. I’m not standing on my soap box just to hear myself speak. Or watch myself speak…or write…oh whatever.

Furthermore, there are exciting things going on here in Janet Land this weekend! Oh yes, you’ve been waiting for it, I know…janetk, the Canadian Goddess is coming to America! That’s right, folks… the “visit in May” as Don and I have referred to it since January, is finally here and I guess it actually does relate to the posts about sex and disability…it’s like research or something. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

I’m just about ready. My suitcase, which looked more than big enough when I bought it on clearance for eight bucks at Walmart but now seems piddly and small, is nearly complete. I’ll only need to add my makeup and toiletries to the top.

I have an overnight bag to bring with me to Big City, where I will be flying out of because I am spending tonight with my sister to avoid a long, early morning drive to the airport tomorrow. I tried to get smart where the overnight bag was concerned and packed old pajamas that I won’t mind leaving behind so that I can save the room in the suitcase.

I have transferred all of my purse things like keys and wallet and watch and several pairs of sunglasses and of course some gum into a larger bag that I will carry on with me. I even put a magazine in there in case I get tired of staring at other passengers until I make them uncomfortable and wonder if I’m “all there”. See?! I’m thinking ahead! I’ve also tucked my passport and Don’s information (cuz you guys are strict! Holy crap! But I guess it makes sense to want to know where the terrorist is going to spend his first night in America) into a large, sturdy envelope and I intend to add the itinerary and the boarding pass to that envelope when I receive them on Friday. Smart, eh? One might even say, “S-M-R-T”. Ha.

Right. So, I’m just about ready. And I’m excited. Really, I am. The four weeks since I last saw Don have seemed impossibly long and it makes me wonder how we ever thought we could manage to go from January to now without laying eyes (and hands) on one another. Craziness.

I’m excited, yes. I’m excited about American McDonald’s (apparently Canadian McDonald’s is holding out on us in the salad department!) and meeting Don’s Mom and playing 1000 questions with his sister. I’m excited to see the deck and the grown up apartment that up until now I’ve only enjoyed through photographs. I’m excited to use the lone pillow and sit on the greater than sliced bread loveseat and gape in disbelief at the bachelor fridge. I’m excited for the ocean. And the midnight, um, “taking in”. Not to mention the spiked tea and the crappy movies (I’m totally going to kick it like Rex Manning!) and the tour of Don’s office (I might be the only person to travel to a government building in the US with a bag of salt in my pocket. * wink *).

I’m looking forward, with great anticipation, to the recreation of our nation of two.

But…

I’m nervous.

Nervous about the silly things. Like getting lost in an airport because I have no sense of direction and can easily get lost in a large department store. And meeting Don’s mother and sister and niece and friend, Davey and co-workers. And while my logical mind knows that there are scores of people who work in airports who will point me in the right direction and Don’s family and friends will like me because I’ve yet to have a mother not like me, and let’s face it, I’m pretty fucking sweet (HA!) my not so logical mind knows it’s important to have * something * to worry about so that I can distract myself from what’s really eating away at me.

My children.

I’ve never been away from them for this long. I’ve never gone this far away from them, either. 540 miles away. A different country away. I’m scared of missing them. I’m scared of them missing me. I’m scared that they will need me and I won’t be here for them. I’m not really scared of something truly horrible happening while I’m away…just the opposite, actually…I’m scared of the little things that could happen while I’m not in this house.

And Rock. Well, he’s been disappointing me as a father left, right and centre lately and I’m hoping and hoping and hoping, with all ten fingers and all ten toes crossed for luck, that this weekend will be his chance to shine as a Dad. That they will all have a wonderful time together. That they will not miss me, on any level, because they will be having too much fun.

And when I can’t imagine that happening, I just hope that he can be good to them because I won’t be here for him to feel angry at.

Hope springs eternal, eh?

I was about to wish all of you a happy weekend, but tomorrow is only Friday…so…happy almost weekend! I hope adventure awaits you, too!