Because I couldn't find a subject to write about I read Martin's post again and choose one of his suggestions.
Its probably not the easiest one but I will give it a try. I choose for things I want to improve about my self.
Some of you read my blogs for quite some time and for those friends there wont be much new things I will write down I guess.
I sometimes feel a bit of a softy now and then. I want to be nice and friendly too long towards others and that's something what bothers me now and then. Its something I have to deal with all my life already and it will be hard to change.
As you might know my tasks at work changed quite a bit. I had a very good relationship with a colleague but that relationship did change. Senior management wanted me to take over some tasks which I accepted after long thinking but it made my friendship a lot "colder". Also cause by changing rooms, but mainly caused about my new tasks. He will not admit it but I think that is the main reason. We still talk to eachother but there is more distance between us.
Another thing I would want to change is a bit more complicated. Actually its the number 1 item I want to change but I don't have the guts for it. I am married for 25 years, raised 3 great kids and I am very happy with that. But there is more. I always had bisexual feelings but I, caused by several reasons, always have put them away. My father always was a very anti-gay person and I think that is one of the main reasons I never talked about it. Silly perhaps but, introvert as I am, it was for me too difficult to talk about. Last 3 years, made possible by the internet, I permitted myself to accept those feelings more and more. Martin always said that he cant understand bisexuality and that it actually means you are gay. Well, perhaps that is right. I actually created a "secret life" I think which sometimes is not easy to deal with. On the other hand it makes it possible for me to talk about these things with some good e-friends and that feels good too. Maybe one day I will be able to come out with it, I only can hope that. By the way it doesn't mean I feel unhappy, that certainly not. But to say I am happy for the full 100 % ........ I have learned to deal with it.
Perhaps will be continued....