Please note: This speech was supposed to have been delivered three days ago, but had to be postponed due to (bugg shakes magic 8 ball) inclement weather...yeah that's it, the weather.

Good Evening, Mah Fella Amuricans:

It's come to my attention that a lot of yer so-called major candidates have been asking a lot of silly questions about the Bugg Campaign and yer own Bugg in particular. Well, aside from the fact that it's none of their friggin' bid'ness, let me clear up a few misconceptions.

My name is Honey J. Bugg and I'm running for Grand Imperial Poobah of the United States of Amurica, long may she wave. Now a lot of the spokes-pinheads for the other major candidates have made a big deal out of the fact that my middle name is "Jasper", implying that because of this, I am secretly either an Old West prospector or a cocker spaniel. I'll have you know that my middle name is a fine old O'Blather (Mama's family) name. It is the name of my great-great-great Grandpa O'Blather. He sailed from The Emerald Isle fleeing the Great Hunger of the potato famine in the 1840's to come to Amurica and build a better life. Those ill founded rumors that he was not fleeing the famine so much as a horse theiving charge are scandalous, baseless inuendo discovered....I mean planted by my opponents in a desparate "kitchen sink" tactic to discredit my campaign.
But we are not here to dwell on the past, my friends. We are here to look toward the future. A future where every citizen of the good ol' U.S. of A. has health coverage; a future where every child has a first rate education; a future where our laws are enforced and our borders are secure; a future where our constitutional rights are restored including our right to privacy and our right to keep and bear arms; a future where a decent job is available to every able bodied Amurcian; a future where our country will once again be the respected, revered leader of the free world and not the reviled and hated bully boy we have become under recent administrations. So, if you share this vision of our beloved nation, vote for the only candidate who is a real agent for change....vote for the only candidate with the common sense and backbone to bring about Amurica's return to greatness...VOTE FOR HONEY JASPER BUGG!!!!



I'm Honey J. Bugg and you bet yer ass I approve of this message.