If you read my last post, you know that my solitary New Year’s Resolution this year is to quit swearing.

Yesterday I swore ten times.

Today, so far, I sworn seven.  And there’s a University of Connecticut basketball game on TV tonight, with all the horrendous NCAA referee calls! This is NOT BODING WELL!

As I mentioned in the last post, when counting the quantity of my daily curses, I’ve run into some logistical problems.  For example, the double-curse, as in f*cking a**hole.  Is that one or two?

And what about the words that are almost curses?  I mean there is the curse by omission. One example of this would be when you call somebody a mother in anger – “I HATE that mother!” Usually, when I use that word to express extreme displeasure, most people around me know that I only spoke two syllables, but I meant four syllables.

And what about the word pussy? I mean, really! Does context and syntax count?

I know that word got Johnny Carson in trouble once. 

Raquel Welch was a guest on his show, and she came out and sat down with a kitten in her lap.  She spent a long time fawning over the cute, little creature, and then at one point in the interview, Raquel asked, “Johnny, would you like to pet my little pussy?”

Carson didn’t miss a beat. He replied, “Sure! Just as soon as you get that stupid cat off of your lap!”

He got sued.

Also, what about the word balls? Does it count as a bad word, even if it really isn't a bad word?  Huh?

Remember Soupy Sales?  Those of you who are my age know him. For those of you who still travel with a pacifer, Soupy Sales was one of the original hosts of TV kiddie shows back in the fifties and early sixties.

He had puppets on the show; White Fang and Black Tooth. 

One day, Soupy wrote the letter “F” on the blackboard, as a lesson in alphabet letter recognition for his young viewers.  Soupy asked White Fang what letter was on the board, and White Fang identified it as the letter “K”.  Soupy voiced his disappointment in the puppet, erased the “F” and wrote and bigger, bolder “F” on the blackboard. Again,  White Fang identified it as the letter “K”.  This scenerio repeated itself a few more times . Finally, an exasperated Soupy blurted out,(Now remember, this is live television!)  “No! It’s NOT “K”! It’s “F”! Why is it that every time I write “F”, you see “K”?

The screen went black. That was Soupy’s last show.

And what about wuss and wussy? I mean, when somebody calls you a wussy, don’t you HEAR the “P”???? So, can I say those words or not?

The great George Carlin one time wondered why it was okay to say the word “Shoot!” and not the word “Shit!” when something went wrong.  He said, “You can’t fool me, man! “Shoot” is “Shit” with two O’s!”

Shoot! I just wrote “shit” three times, including the one in this sentence!  That brings today’s tally up to 10!

Son of a ...!