Profile
Photos
Comments
see any romance at home and I ran to the movies and theatre to see what
it was or it was born in me.
I remember a mentor telling me when
I was in my teens to look at each 'trick' as it it was the love of my
life and I did whether it lasted an hour or a weekend! :O)
Through
the years I had many mini affairs--there was Armand in Miami Beach for
7 months, as an example--but, the bottom line is that there were 4
lovers in my life--four, in one way or another, changed my life.
Obviously I taught them well as they all went onto long time
relationships after me! LOL
I met Pepe, 'Hollywood'
style--cute--we knocked each other off our feet in a snow storm. We
lived together for 2+ years--he was my age, both in our 20s, same
height but I was fat--he is/was a Cuban, smart, ambitious and a great
cook. Unfortunately I was too immature to appreciate him. I don't
know where he is today or even if he is alive--we kept in touch until
the mid 70s then he 'disappeared'.
Next
was Bernie who I, unfairly, called my 'hater'. On our first date I
threw him out of a cab on Fifth Avenue. He was responsible for changing
the direction of my life. He was 5 years older than me, very bossy and
it wasn't until our 'divorce', 7+ years later, in court, that I
realized how much he did love me. The the only regret I have in my
life--not that I left him but in the way I did it but, I rationalize,
he was well compensated for that. I introduced him to his next lover,
10+ years younger than him, who he has been with for over 30 years--he
finally got the son he wanted, a role I wouldn't play.
And
then there was Johnny, a 'country boy', 11 years younger than me. No
longer bitter, as I was when we broke up, I realized this country boy
pulled the wool over the eyes of this city slicker and I learned an
important lesson. He now lives outside of Dallas with his lover, who
like me, is older than he is. Johnny did/does love us older man!
There
isn't anyway I can compare the four of them like one was my age,
another 11 years younger and the other two five years older. Bill and
Bernie were taller than me with one fit the other no so fit. One was
born and raised in Cuba, another in Tennessee, a third in Kansas and
the fourth in New York. They had different levels of education and
street smarts as well as different outlooks on life. The only thing
they had in common was loving me.
I
can very simply say that Bill was the love of my life though it is not
as simple as that. I wrote a book called, "For What We Had" that
followed us from the first day we met until a couple of years after we
broke up. (Still have 6 copies left and I never get tired reading it!
LOL) He lives in Phoenix in a long term relationship, after having had
two others between me and Richard
In
the 27+ years since then I have, once again, had a couple of mini
affairs but decided that I prefer/like living alone and though I may be
alone I am not lonely. I must admit having a lover to take care of me
when I had the aorta valve replacement would have made recovery easier
but, luckily, happily, I have concerned friends.
I'm
still in love with love--yes, I cry during love scenes in movies and on
TV or reading a book--and I'll find it in songs, stories, on theatre
stages and movie screens but I no longer want/see/expect a lover in my
life.