In my late 20s getting fatter every day!



I WAS FAT!! I WAS DRUNK!! I WAS AN HABITUAL LIAR!! AND I HAD JUST BROKEN UP WITH MY FIRST LOVER!!!

I was 30 years old--42 years ago--and felt ugly, rejected and had it with my life. I was alone and lonely! It was the first time (and last) that I ever considered killing myself. It's a good thing I was a coward or I would have done it.

It may sound funny but I was too chicken to slit my wrists or my throat. I was afraid if I shot myself I would mess up and become a vegetable. The same thing if I took pills--what if I passed out before I took enough to do the job? Suffocate myself? How do you do that without stopping yourself from continuing?? Hang myself?? What would hold me aloft without breaking??

I ran out of my apartment and from 3 to 9 in the morning I walked around the streets of Manhattan with tears streaming down my face and it was as if I was so insignificant that nobody noticed me or my distress.

A little after 9 I had sobered up and knew that I had to do something with myself, had to change my life and from somewhere, somehow I started a transformation that last for the next 5 years.

I changed my body image, went for therapy, read whatever self help books I could get my hands on, asked for help whenever and however I needed it.

I fell in love with myself and from that time no matter how bad/difficult situations became for me--and they did--whether it was being on the verge of homeless or losing the love of my life I NEVER once thought of ending my life since that evening/morning in 1967--and I have never regretted being a coward about it.

Nothing equals waking up in the morning, taking a deep breath and knowing you are ALIVE!