Just recently a new blogger asked who I am and I told him he could read the books I've published or the blogs I have posted. As are many people I am different people to different people but, in the short term, what you see is what you get.
I wrote him a brief e-mail and decided to expand it and post it as a
blog. It is mostly a negative look at me and rereading the e-mail and
this I realize that I don't say that I am Gay but then I have never seen
that as an aspect of negativity in my life but, for the record, if you
don't know (and how could you not?) I am a proud gay man who if I wasn't
born gay would certainly have chosen that path.

A LIFETIME AGO

In the past
I have cheated, stolen, lied, been arrested, drank, smoked, was
unfaithful, spent more than I made, moved every 5 years, went from job
to job and, basically, did everything a 'good' person wouldn't do--you
know--like you claim you are.
With one exception I have never knowingly hurt someone but then being drunk who knows what I did during those periods.
I
was horrendous in relationships because I was selfish and didn't
believe in compromising. I have never saved for a rainy day, in most
cases spending money on people, didn't have goals, indulged myself,
believed in pleasure before business and bragged about my promiscuity.
There
is very little I know about religion and politics but I have been
blasted for asking questions, or expressing opinions, about both.
And
that's only a few negative things about me--or what some people would
consider negative. I do have a lot of positive traits but those are for
another--maybe the next--blog.
Oh yes--I have always had charm--at times too much--it made being a liar, a con artist, that much easier.
For
the last 30+ years I have lived alone but have not been lonely. As I
have always said there are just 2 things that I won't do alone with one
being eating in a good restaurant--I have been known, especially when I
use to travel, upon entering a 4-5 star restaurant and seeing someone
eating alone asking them if they would like company. In most cases they
would say yes and we would have interesting conversations over our meal.
Without getting too much into it--use your imagination--the only thing I
refuse to do alone is have sex.
I have very little patience with bigots, homophobes, christians with a small c, people who use politics to bash people, anti-Semitics,
those who ask for advice and don't listen, those who jump to conclusions
from an article they have read, people whose world is very narrow and
doesn't encompass reading, learning, listening and appreciating every
day they have and every person they meet.
Most of my young
life was spent being angry, verbally attacking, feeling the world was
against me, collecting injustices, playing 'poor little me' and
practicing two things I was taught by my parents. My mother taught me
that 'promises are made to be broken' and my father drummed into my
head  (only using more vulgar words) 'Screw them before they screw you'.
I learned both well.
Along with my negatives I am a 'do as I say not as I do' sort of person, like many bloggers!
I
divorced my parents/family when I was 16 paying for my apartment, going
to school, working 2 jobs and when they died I didn't feel a thing. I
didn't learn the meaning of 'family' until 1973 and I didn't know what
it was to experience loving someone and being loved by the same person
until 1981.

AFTER THE CHANGE

I started this with "In the past"
and it was in 1967, when I was 31, that the past started to change to
the future and then the present. I changed physically, mentally,
emotionally but, most important, I erased my mother's 'promise' and my
father's 'screw' tapes from my head.
At 76 I may not be perfect
but I am the best me and very pleased with who I am--and your opinion
doesn't count. That is one thing that has never changed about me--I
never looked for any ones approval or acceptance nor did I/do I
want/need it!
Oh yes--I still have that charm but now never too much.
******************************************************************

"There shall be

an eternal summer

in the grateful heart."

(From Maria's cards)

******************************************************************

8 DAYS BEFORE I GO TO THE OPENING OF "THE LION KING" AT THE ARSHT CENTER IN MIAMI