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Teens, church hold different views of oral sex
By Annie Greenberg
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
June 30, 2008
More
than 10 years after President Clinton made the argument that oral sex
isn't really sex, a generation of adolescents seems to agree.
Defining chastity was a prominent issue of two religious youth conferences earlier this month, one for Catholics in Boca Raton and another for Mormons in Miramar. Although church and school leaders
say they have become more explicit in their teachings, 70 percent of
14- to 19-year-olds still don't consider oral sex to be sex, according
to a 2007 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health.
Flavio DaCosta, 14, of Boca Raton, is among them: "I know you can still pass on STDs, but there's less of a chance, and no chance of getting pregnant."
To 15-year-old Jenni, a Coral Springs resident who didn't want her
surname published, there is no controversy. "It's not intercourse, so I
don't consider that losing your virginity," she said.
But Justin Gallo, 17, of Pembroke Pines, said chastity is not about
technical virginity, "it's the promise that you'll keep yourself
sacred."
Bryan Page, chairman of the University of Miami's anthropology
department, said the issue is becoming more prominent because teens
today see and hear more about sex than in the past, through popular
media, pornography and even sex education.
In addition, he said, teens are turning to oral sex to avoid pregnancy.
"Kids with a little high school health education know what's going on
in their own bodies, so to engage in oral sex would not be perceived as
any risk," he said.
A 2005 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows
more than half of all 15- to 19-year-olds do it. And that has parents
concerned.
Linda Yates, a Wellington mother of three, ages 15, 18 and 21, said she first became aware that
teens didn't consider oral sex to be sex after the Clinton scandal. She
finds the value shift disappointing. But when it comes to her own
children, the line is made clear.
"We tell them their clothes stay on, they stay in an upright
position, their bodies are not laying down on top of anyone else's
until they're married," she said.
On the blogosphere, sites such as Jezebel.com, Yahoo!
Answers and even the car fan site Mustangforum.com have posted
questions asking readers if oral sex is a virginity-losing event, with
no definitive answer.
William Sydnor, who helps design the health curriculum for Broward County schools, thinks he knows why.
Many teens "find oral sex is less intimate than kissing ... they see it
as less threatening behavior [than intercourse], so it's more casually
engaged in," he said. The shift in values prompted a curriculum change,
so oral sex is now discussed starting in seventh grade.
In Palm Beach County,
"we define abstinence as refraining from any sexual activities
including ... oral sex," said Danette Fitzgerald, HIV Prevention
Program coordinator. She said oral sex is first discussed during sex
education classes in sixth grade.
Local churches also are addressing the issue.
Marianne Doughney, 58, a youth minister at St. Peter Catholic Church in Jupiter, teaches that oral sex is sex.
"Sometimes when they hear that, they're surprised. You'll hear, 'Oh,
really,' a couple of times," she said. "But we tell them even if you
have made that mistake — say you didn't know it was sex — it's OK to
start over."
Daniel Treiser, 36, an associate rabbi at Temple Kol Ami Emanu-El in
Plantation, said the school's curriculum guide specifically addresses
sexual ethics.
"I don't tell kids, 'Stay off your knees,' 'Don't perform oral sex,'
'Don't have sex,' because they're not going to listen to that," Treiser
said. "I will say to them there are emotions involved ... every
physical act has an emotional counterpart, and they need to be as
developed emotionally as they are physically before they start."
Dwight Rogers, 25, who works mostly with college-age singles at the
First Baptist Church in Fort Lauderdale, said he teaches anything that
binds two people together sexually is sex.
"Oral sex is called oral sex for a reason," he said.
The debate is not likely to go away, said Miramar resident AnnMarie Matson, who is 22 and the mother of a 3-year-old.
"When I was growing up, people started having oral sex in middle
school," she said. "It makes me not want to allow my daughter out of
the house."
Annie Greenberg can be reached at agreenberg@sun-sentinel.com or 954-385-7657.
