Maybe the sun has been out other mornings this week, but to me it seems brighter today. It's as if it's smiling towards our home here.

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There is no lump in my throat today. I don't push back tears. My heart is full and my stomach still flutters while my eyes replay snap shots of happy times. There is a permanent smirk on my face whenever I reacquaint myself with the here and now.

Yesterday while discussing our feelings, G and I were able to pinpoint what was different and making us both feel un-centered. We have been so busy moving, finding room for things in a house full of construction dust and unfinished area, trying to make all four kids happy and transitioned as easily as possible for them...we hadn't taken time to "be in love".

Our relationship has quickly grown from dating on the weekends, to seeing each other as much as possible to living together and planning a new life as a family of six (plus 2 pugs and a cat).

I know that speaking from my point of view, I had quickly reverted to my old ways of what I'd always done as a wife and a Mom. I'm already learning things that must change so that I can avoid falling back into emotional quick-sand traps. I could feel myself starting to feel like I used to feel (only on a much smaller scale). I started to feel like I was working much harder to "take care" of three new people in my home and family. (Don't get me wrong, G helps out but this is a "me thing" about how I feel I should be) In combination working harder, I felt I was receiving less pay-off for it (love and affection). We were too busy and I was hardening up because I felt worn out and a bit resentful. I was pushing him away instead of pulling him close like I needed. He got scared (rightly so) due to past experiences in his failed relationships. He felt like he was personally failing and letting me down. Therefore he retreated too a bit feeling that I didn't want to be close to him.

So last night the kids were all at there other parent's house. G did have to take his kids to a therapy appointment though so I was alone until about 8:30. This actually worked out well because it's been a while since I've been alone in my home to think and also sit still and be thankful for all that I have and the progress I've made over the past several months.

When he came home, his hands were full with Chinese take out and our favorite wine. We sat at the table, no t.v. on and enjoyed the delicious meal and wine. We talked and laughed (gosh I had missed that). Then we watched my recorded episode of BB before going to bed. He held me all night, his hand never parting from my skin. I woke him up with kisses when he had to go to work.

Carpe Diem


Seize the day and take the time to be in love.