"Take me as I am"
"Love me for me"
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

All these are words that I've lived by (at least in my own mind) for quite a while now. I knew that my previous relationship was not one which any of these quotes applied to and I knew that this is something I desperately wanted and needed for the next relationship I decided to pursue.

From the beginning, G picked up on this theme of quotes that seemed to appear on every e-mail and home page I've designed and told me to go ahead and test him because he wanted to prove to me that he did love all of me and wanted to show me how lovable I was (even at my worst). I was honored and happy but a little skeptical that anyone could really love ME like that (after all, I've been told and telling myself for so long what a bitch I am that this is really hard to believe). Little by little he proved it to me through each bad day, mood swing and PMS. Not only could he handle me at my worst, his arm was always around me while he looked deeply in my eyes and said "You've got to stop thinking of yourself as a bitch. I have not seen a bitch once. I've seen you grumpy, tired, irritated... but never a bitch. You're human Gwen-big deal! I love you so much."

I sucked all this in and repeated it in my head and to all my bestest friends when I gushed about how I had the best man in the world. But even through all of this, I was holding on to something...a secret...a part of me I'm not proud of but still want to be accepted for. I don't want to hide a single thing from my soul mate and best friend. I feared this could be the straw that broke the camels back and I could lose all of this love. But even stronger than this fear was the finger tapping my shoulder telling me "Tell him. You'll never find someone to accept you for who you are unless you let someone in. You must give him the chance to accept and love all of you. You must open yourself up to him and give him a chance."

So yesterday was the day that I took down the last piece of wall that separated us. I told him me deep, dark secret. He thanked me over and over and after our long talk, he told me that he now loved me even more because our relationship grew through my honesty and growing trust with him. He shared a secret with me as well. Not only is the love still there, it's bigger and deeper. We love each other just the way we are. I was so glad to hear him say it wasn't a big deal and that "You don't throw something this good away over something small."