I've been full of emotion the past week or so. I have to say that the depression had lifted both Saturday and Sunday, however I experienced a full range of feelings over the weekend from one extreme to the other. I know I need to somehow sit and think about what all this means and I need to rethink my reactions to certain triggers and figure out what I do with all of this! Boy I'm even more confused after writing and reading that sentence.

I've felt happy, energetic, loved, angry, sad, scared, worried, tired, restless and serene. I've been a bit nostalgic and somehow even got to thinking about A's grandfather who has passed. I was always close to him and my son was named after him. As a part of still dealing with and healing from my separation from my husband and my death of a childhood dream along side of envisioning new dreams and feeling all sorts of new feelings, I thought of him. I still get a lump in my throat. I know he would be awful sad that A and I were apart. I can just see the sad look on his face. Gosh, sometimes I think I just don't give myself a break either! Like I worry about what everybody thinks! Why? And now I'm worrying about what someone would have thought if they were still alive? I just don't know what to think of that!

G decided to start writing a blog. He's gooberdoughtoes if you'd like to visit him. I'll let you ask about the name and let him explain! LOL He's a talker and a thinking so I know he'd like to hear from you guys!

We spent the whole weekend together again. Every week we get closer. All the kids are completely seeing eachother as family. We had all four kids this weekend. Being a family of six is a bit different than being a family of four. I loved it but it tired me out at the same time. I don't know how to explain. They did stay up late, therefore so did we. They were all having so much fun together though. We got some great pictures of all of us at the park, at a graduation party and then the kids dressed up all silly and took pictures of themselves.

Kids are so loving and accepting. I'm thankful for all four of them and for their resilience to all the change. Along with their strong, sibling-like bond already, we also get the bickering (just between the boys mostly). Luckily G and I parent very much the same so we are able to be consistent and the kids are all treated not only equally but exactly how they're used to. I think this is important.

My daughter is the one I'm really surprised about. Sometimes I feel bad for her dad, because I know that she is bonding more with G than with him. I still think my ex is a great Dad and does the absolute best he can with the kids, but I've always known that Riss felt slighted because of the strong relationship between Kev and his Dad. I think this is why she has so quickly grown close to G who gives each of the kids the same amount of attention and never pushes her away or tells her not to hang on him when she needs and asks for that sort of attention. I know her Dad doesn't mean to push her away, but I've seen him say those things to her on too many occasions to not understand what is going on.

Nobody wanted to part tonight when it was time to say goodnight to G and his kids. Everybody hugged, exchanged secret knuckle-bumps and many kisses between G and I. Riss had asked when she would see G again and Kev was interested when he would see Liz again. Riss told G that she gets sad when she doesn't see him and that she literally cries if she has two days in a row not seeing him.

I'm too tired to explore more feelings right now but I'll be back when I can to spill some more from my over-flowing brain and heart.