Today is already a hard day for me. I started anticipating it and crying at about 10 last night. Today would've have been my 14th wedding anniversary. I know they don't coun't now that we're divorced, but until I can learn how to give myself amnesia...IT HURTS!! There has been a lot more drama this week than usual between the ex and I and let's just say it has ripped open old wounds that maybe were just starting to heal. I've taken my therapists' advice (on so many things). So here it is! I know there has to be more than this so I'm just going to think of it as a start.

For now....THIRTEEEN....ONE FOR EVERY YEAR WE WERE MARRIED

1.Beginning a serious relationship at forteen is way too young. We don't know who we are (Hell! I still don't know!). Therefore we could never know what we would want or need in a life partner.

2.I should've followed my instinct to break up with him in high school and pretty close before the wedding.

3.His threatening suicide and cutting when I broke up with him in h.s. should have been big wake up signs of an unhealthy relationship (if I was older than my teens...maybe I would've got it)

4.NEVER settle as 2nd, 3rd, etc. with a man and his hobbies (or another person)

5.Making a man a father doesn't make him into a good husband or even a dad (Strangely for him, it took the divorce to make him a participating dad in our children's lives).

6. When he got too drunk and went home without even telling me (by cab) ...at our couple's shower...should have been another eye-opener.

7.Just because you are married and there is a Mr. to your Mrs., doesn't mean you always have someone at home to love you.

8.If you do decide divorce is the answer, HIRE a lawyer and look out for yourself. Don't just walk away with nothing! (Because you just want out or because you want to be the nice guy...it will come back to haunt you)

9.A husband (or bf, lover) should never call their wife/ significant other certain derogatory words. In fact this should be one of the people you can count on when you feel like those explicative words!

10.I am the only person I can count on forever.

11.Since the above is true, I should learn to be my own best friend and love myself. (It's a must actually and if you figure this out ...please clue me in to the secret)

12.If your husband/lover doesn't support and love you after you're diagnosed with a major illness...and if in fact he instead tells you he can't handle it...FACE IT...he doesn't love you.

13.Some of those old sayings we hate really are true! "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." "You don't know what you've got until it's gone." "Hindsight really is 20/20." "The grass really does seem greener on the other side of the fence."