If I only knew why I was still so depressed, miserable, anti-social, moody ...(I could go on)

Believe me, I know that I really have no good reason at all to complain or feel like this. And yet I do. Life's never going to be perfect and why can't I just get over myself! Whenever I have to do something that I don't feel like doing or when I'm feeling down, I lash out angrily at those I love.

I probably ruined one marriage this way (don't get me wrong, I'm not accepting all the blame). And now I'm mistreated the kindest man in the world just because he can't make me happy 100% of the time. I'm not consciously expecting him to make me happy, but apparently I am expecting him to somewhere deep inside... Because I'm mean to him when I'm not happy.

Last year at this time, I hated feeling alone and unloved. This year I hate feeling broke and overwhelmed.

If I only knew what would make it better. I feel like I came so far and many so many changes in the past year. Way too hard of a process to still feel this unhappy.

I hate who I am.
I guess that's the bottom line.

But how do I learn to love myself??? I feel like I've been trying to learn this lesson for sooo long.

I know for a fact that if I would just learn to love myself, it wouldn't be as much work for someone else to try to love me.

G- I say sorry to you so many times. I know sorry doesn't take away how you feel when I'm like this. I just don't know what to do or say. My heart aches soooo badly. And it's not you're fault. You do so much to help me heal and feel loved, appreciated and beautiful. There must be a big whole in me somewhere, because I just keep feeling empty (no matter how much love you give me).

I can't believe I got a PINK laptop for Valentine's Day!! I can't wait till it gets here! That's by far the most extravagant gift I've ever received for Valentine's Day!! (or pretty much any holiday)