After last night being a new personal low for me in my new life as a separated Mom of 2, I was pleasantly surprised to wake up feeling refreshed. I'm so thankful the weather has been so beautiful and sunny because with my depression hitting as hard as it has, I know it would be that much worse if the weather were rainy and gloomy.

Work went well this morning and I came home to let the dogs out on my break. I was contemplating whether to take a power nap or do something productive after my short walk with the dogs. Within 15 feet of my house, my ankle gave out and down I went- On the pavement, dogs still going, skirt up in the air...major road rash and gravel stuck in the skin and blood of my knee.

So although I really wanted to just lay there and cry, not just because of the physical pain but also because of the emotional hurt and chaos that is nipping away at my sanity. But realizing what a compromising, embarrassing situation I was in I got up as quickly as possible, pushed back the tears, ignored the blood trickling down my leg, urged the dogs to move faster and got to my house as soon as I could. Here I threw the leashes inside, took off my shoes and was afraid to look at my own leg (the sight of blood freaks me out). It was pretty bad, pretty bloody, pretty hard to get the dirt out of it and it hurt like hell. I only had small band aids so I put these on and needed to go back to work. The bandages were not going to hold, so being the quirky woman I am- I used masking tape over the band-aids. (Yes this is all going to be extremely funny some day!).

Tonight it was absolutely throbbing. My parents took the kids and I to dinner and then my daughter had dance class. My son wanted to go with his Dad but my daughter *Brielle* didn't want to go. She said it was because she was there last night. She ended up going to her grandparents house after dance. I came back here to pack her overnight bag and bring it to her dance class and I did another classic Gee move! I left my cell phone, my only phone since I don't have a house phone, which is also my alarm clock-IN BRIELLE'S DANCE BAG! Grrrr!!!

On top of all this, my ex has assaulted me with anger all day and continued to push for not only the divorce but some other monetary things. He's obviously in the anger stage although it's confusing because he clearly told me he didn't love me even when I was having doubts and missing him. I'm just sad that he's not satisfied with separating for now and needs it finalized so soon. We've only been apart 2 months and we were together 21 years. He always accuses me of being irrational and making impulsive decisions, but now it seems he is. It was only a mere week ago when he came here all teary eyed, hugging me and one thing led to another...It sure felt like he still loved me then. Which means that it makes since that it is his girl that is making him want it so fast, but it's a long distance relationship so I don't know. I really should stop analyzing it, but when the brain and the heart get fighting over what should happen...the brain doesn't always win.

**Names in this blog have been changed to protect the innocent. The stories however are all real and directly from my heart and mind, the way I've always blogged.