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This morning while at this new church for the first time, I was given so many signs that I was meant to be there. I mean, I know this sounds cliche but it's really true. It was so different than anything I've ever experienced and I will definitely be going again. I felt completely loved and cleansed walking out those doors today. I've never been to a service that lasted over two hours. And it went so quickly, I couldn't believe how late it was when we left. On stage of the church, there was a band (drums, sax, trombone, singer and back up). The lyrics to the contemporary Christian music shown on the ball wall of the stage in beautiful, movie-like form with soft pics of flowers and other inspiring images in the background. Real people spoke about real things. There was a pastor and teacher's daughter from Argentina who is here ministering for five months. The pastor spoke of how important speaking Spanish was in our ministry. Then girls mission had just returned from Columbia with a report and slide show of pictures which were so touching. I felt myself seeing a sampling of ways that I could touch lives and feel good about myself. The words they spoke were of courage and it was as if they spoke just to me of how I felt like giving up and that I was wrong to have wanted more out of life. I was doubting that I really deserved to be treated better than I was. I was telling myself that I wasn't strong enough to make it on my own. During those two plus hours, I was refilled with courage and faith.
Unfortunately the ex and I had a poorly times argument about a bill which overshadowed much of the rest of the day. It all became personal again with him making me feel like I'm trying to stick it to him financially-which I'm not. I haven't asked for a penny toward this upcoming NYC trip that I have absolutely, not a clue in the world, how I'm giong to pay for. I'm just taking a leap of faith that it's where I'm supposed to be and I'll have to borrow the money from another bill to do it.
By the time lunch was over, I was ready to go back to bed due to stress and the fact I hadn't slept much last night. I went to bed late, got up early, awoke during the night and was plagued with bad dreams. Dreams of horror, being sucked out of my house by an uncontrollable wind...Losing one thing, one person at a time every time the door opened...
Luckily, a call from my friend Felicia sent me on a task. She needed a ride to go pick up her car and couldn't get anyone to do it. She was so thankful and it was good therapy for us to chat the way there. Neither one of us wanted to get out of the car and leave lol. But I felt I needed to go home and do my school and house work.
But then again, I went where life took me instead. My sister called me to come visit at her house. So I took my bills with me and the dogs and headed over. Then she talked me into (twisted my arm) ordering pizza so I was there way longer than expected. I knew that not only did I have lessons to type and write but I also had to make brownies for a colleague's birthday tomorrow and cupcakes for the end of the month April birthdays for Brett's school.
Then of course there was more trouble, chaos and tears when it came time for the kids to come back from my ex. Brielle couldn't wait to come back home to me. Brett was obviously over tired and emotional and wanted to stay with his Daddy. Super Daddy of the year hadn't fed them (7 p.m.) and then tells me he never did Brett's homework with him like he had promised. Then he told Brett that maybe he could come back and spend the night with him after he did his homework and so after he did it, he called his Dad. But guess what, now Dad said no. Then Brett tried calling him when he finally got tucked in bed after his bath and all the other things we did at warp speed tonight, but Daddy didn't answer. When he returned the call, thinking it was I who called, my baby had already fallen asleep. So this made for an extra stressful couple of hours before getting the kids to bed tonight.
