Another day of anxiety, but not quite as bad as yesterday...

I gave G a panic attack last night. I didn't mean too, but I wasn't being rational or fair. I felt so bad afterwards and I'm intent on apologizing, making up for it and learning from it.

While waiting for G to come to bed last night, I was reading a good book called The Five Love Languages. Ironically it's there where I discovered the root of our communication problems so far and the essence of the disagreement last night. His love language is Affirmations and mine is Physical Touch. The author of this book is Gary Chapman and I love the preface of this book. So often we feel we are showing our mate we love them but if we don't speak the same love language (If he needs to hear why I love him for example and I try to show him by hugging and physical touch, he won't feel my love. And conversly if I need to be touched lovingly but instead he tells me how much he loves me in it's place, I don't feel the love). I've had this happen to me so many times...it all comes together...I always thought to myself when it happened, "words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words." I guess that depends on the language of love that you speak.

Even before reading this book actually, I had been realized something about myself that I had never known or admitted to in the past. I have had an empty love tank for a long time and the primary way my love tank gets filled is through physical touch.