Mary Flemming

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Mary Flemming
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Spirit Of The Wolf

Life & Events > Relationships > Hard Headed Boys
 

Hard Headed Boys

So to all of you who think kota is the sweetest kid ever, he does have his bad side. And its been coming out this week! I don't think he has been getting enough sleep. Problems in school and the bus. Although his bullies are now getting caught in the act and being sent to the principal's office. Which means a call home to the parents as well. But kota was playing in class today. On the bus he and his buddy were cutting up and being silly, got carried away. Kota does have a temper,he gets it from his dad so my MIL tells me. lol Anyway, today two kids were picking on him and pushing him. They got caught but not before kota pushed them both down. So I think I need to work with him on how to deal with his anger. I can understand being angry when you are getting picked on but I want him to know he does not have to react with the same violence as is being shown to him. Now how do I do that? Might have to do some child pschology research on that topic. And frankly I want kota to get mad at bullies and NOT do what I did. Just be quiet and let them continue to bully. Because if you ignore them, they don't give up. They just keep on trying to get you. I dealt with from 6th grade till I finished high school. I never got beat up but I had to deal with some serious verbal abuse. And believe me, it takes a toll on your psyche. And you want to know why I was picked on? My bottom teeth overlap my top teeth. In order to have it fixed, they would have had to break my jaw. My mom has the same thing. So all through school I was called bulldog and other less savory names. I was barked out, had notes spread about me, got spit on. And my guidance counselor, her words of wisdom? 'Perhaps they are picking on you because they like you.' That was the last time I asked for help. Lets not forget my dad was also an alcoholic so it was hell at school and mostly hell at home. There was no safe place for me. So perhaps I go to easy on Kota. Because I see how sensitive he is, how sweet he can be and how now he is the target of mean kids. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. I do my best, I try my best. I sure don't have all the answers. I want my kid to grow up believing in himself, knowing he is intelligent, caring and oh so funny. I just love him with all my heart. Just like my older two. They may cause me pains at times but I am immensely proud of them. They are not perfect children, just as I am far from perfect. I know there are times I have been unfair or unreasonable. But I did what I thought was best at the time.
Wow, I really went off on a tangent there. But its a glimpse of a side of me you may not know. The insecure person who still remembers the hateful names, the constant fighting at home, the unpredictable life with an alcoholic.

posted on Apr 17, 2008 4:59 PM ()

Comments:

Oh, Mary. I related to every word of this post.It's hard to watch our children re-live tough times in our lives...the most that we can do is teach them to handle it in a better way. I think that you're doing an amazing job with Kota. He is very lucky to have you for his Mom.
comment by janetk on Apr 21, 2008 6:30 AM ()
No comment,all it said there.
comment by fredo on Apr 18, 2008 10:12 AM ()
He's still learning, and you're doing a great job in guiding him! He will be just fine. (Maybe they did like you! I know your answer: )
comment by sunlight on Apr 18, 2008 5:16 AM ()
I think that bullying is one of the hardest things for kids to deal with. Part of it is that adults in school and such don't always do a great job trying to manage it, which leads to frustration and anger on the part of the "victims." It ticks me off!
AJ
comment by lunarhunk on Apr 17, 2008 8:36 PM ()
Being a parent was the hardest job I ever had and like all parents I'm sure I made some stupid decisions. Both my boys turned out ok in spite of my ignorance. The best thing you can do is just keep loving him and be his soft spot to fall on. Your love is shining through.
comment by gapeach on Apr 17, 2008 8:12 PM ()
It is definitely hard to tell your child not to 'react' to the bullying. It's hard enough for an adult to not react. I'm not sure how I would tell him...when my kids were bullied, I just repeatedly told them to go to the adults at school for help. But, I also called the school each time it happened and the ones bullying were called in. The thing I didn't like was when they called in my children, as well, and had a 'talk' about bullying with all of them. I wanted to tell them that there was no need to put my kids on the same track as the bullies. It's the bullies that need to be reprimanded and not the victims. It's like they just don't want to deal with it. They tell everyone to 'get along.' That's just not going to work when it comes to bullying. It's frustrating, I know. My kids got teased all the time in school for being 'white.' Local kids would tell my kids, "We grew here, you flew here." I hated that statement. Anyway, sorry for the long response. I hope you are able to get the help you need from the school to stop the bullying.
comment by hopefields on Apr 17, 2008 7:12 PM ()
awe... how painful to remember! I know you love your Kota and I have faith in you that you will figure it out...
comment by kristilyn3 on Apr 17, 2008 6:09 PM ()
Hey, I was spoiled rotten by a few people in my life and I turned out fabulous because of them!!!
comment by greatmartin on Apr 17, 2008 5:18 PM ()
No one said, or guaranteed, being a mother was/is easy--that's why I prefer just being an uncle--I'm always the good guy!!
You did a good job with the other two--I am sure you are doing a good job with Dakota but you allowed your doubts so don't be so hard on yourself.
comment by greatmartin on Apr 17, 2008 5:09 PM ()

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