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I am leaving soon to go to PA to see my 2nd grandson, Rhys, born October 27th. My older grandson's birthday is November 15th. They are having a party for him. My daughter-in-law (DL#1) invited a former friend of mine that I would prefer not see- not to be around for any reason.
This is the woman who was my friend for decades but stopped talking to me after my son's wedding. Eight months after Tod died she wrote me a 5 or 6 page letter criticizing me. "I acted as if Tod were the only person in life who mattered." (Because I still mourned his loss.) "I did not care about my grandson." (Because I was not there for his 1st birthday.) "I treated my sons terrible- especially Michael". I treat my friends badly. (Have no idea what that was based on. Pure projection. She always crapped on me- after I gave her money, a place to live, moral support when she went through recovery after getting hooked on crack at the age of 54!)
I do not want to be around her. Why did DL#1 invite her? Tod's wife (DL#2) thinks DL#1 is a self-righteous instigator. DL#2 doesn't even know about this yet. Her opinion is based on things in the past.I am thinking maybe she is right.
AFTER DL#1 invited the former friend, my son asked me if this was a problem for me. I told him it was, but it was his house and she is his friend and he could invite whomever he wanted. I told him I would not be hostile or make a scene.
I hate this! She is trash, and I don't say that about many people. She went to bed with one of her son's 18 year old friends, she is a finacial wreck (her bill collectors constantly call me because she skipped out on so many bills after moving out of my house) and... how many people get hooked on crack at the age of 54 because they get involved with the wrong men? When she moved out of my house (for the third time)she moved in with one of her sons. The level of dependence and co-dependence in her family is sickening... and she dares to fault me?
I am rambling and raging. I need to refocus: I am about to see my grandsons. That truly is all that matters, but having to be around this former friend is like a distracting, annoying splinter.
There is something I need to say. I don’t understand why you want K in your life. She truly is no different than my sisters- the ones you told me were toxic and I needed to get out of my life!
I think about the cars (two) that I gave her and her sons, the hundreds of dollars that were never repaid. She used me time and again, and the many times she stopped talking to me for years was never because of anything I said until this last time- and even that was true! (My crime was remembering that (son) met his wife having three way sex with another male friend.) K f----d her son’s 19 year old friend when she was in her late forties and got addicted to crack cocaine in her fifties. I can surely remember all of the years that she and her sons had nothing good to say about you. She/they may say now that I think I am better than everyone else, but for decades- until Tod’s death- that is what she/they said about you!
They are divisive people who continue to try to sow seeds of discontent between us. If all of this talk about what a terrible, uncaring grandmother I am is NOT originating from you, then it is coming from K, (son) and (other son). That is even more toxic than my sisters! They never tried to insinuate themselves into our relationship or feelings about each other.
Just had to get that off my chest. I will be civil.
I love you.