Laura

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This Oughta Be Good

Entertainment > Humor > One of Those Location Jokes
 

One of Those Location Jokes

My cousin from Carbondale, IL sent me this email today. It makes me hungry for southern buffet with some of that sweet iced tea and fried okra, fried chicken, and some nice green beans with hunks of ham for seasoning. And banana pudding for dessert, the kind made with vanilla wafers. Not that this is going to happen, thinking about it is good enough.

THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH...
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow,eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

posted on July 21, 2011 3:09 PM ()

Comments:

THAT BAR IS PROBABLY LONG GONE--THIS WAS BACK IN THE ICE aIGE--THE 1970S!~
comment by greatmartin on July 22, 2011 2:20 PM ()
I didn't realize Indiana was "southern".
comment by solitaire on July 22, 2011 6:47 AM ()
To me, Indiana is the center of good cooking, and I'm not just saying that because I know you.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:06 PM ()
I can testify that it is all true. Company is always welcome and if they
stay too long, you put a pineapple in their room. Real or simulated it
doesn't matter. Tact is a virtue.
comment by elderjane on July 22, 2011 3:55 AM ()
Pineapple's supposed to be welcoming, at least it was in colonial times. I'd never heard of this take back the welcome business, and now I'm trying to think about the last time I visited you, whether there were any pineapples.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:08 PM ()
comment by marta on July 21, 2011 8:02 PM ()
I was so grateful it wasn't phrased as the Jeff Foxworthy cliche.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:09 PM ()
Okay, you have to invite us for southern cooking.
comment by tealstar on July 21, 2011 4:33 PM ()
I'm not southern enough to really do it authentically, I can make a try at the menu, but it's always going to turn out 'southern style' at best.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:14 PM ()
You first line gave me a flood of memories--I lived in Memphis and my friend Bob was the Choir Conductor and professor at the University of Southern Illinois in Carbondale--spent many a weekend there, mostly in the New York bar!!! Bob was my 'soul brother'--he was born in Mississippi and traveled all over the world with the Robert Shaw Chorale, did hundreds of TV shows, etc., but he would agree 100% with your post!!
comment by greatmartin on July 21, 2011 4:24 PM ()
I think we drove through Carbondale many years ago but that was before I knew my cousin lived there, now I have to go back, and I'll look for that bar!
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:16 PM ()
I loved that.Mama says we can drive,we can drive
Your right on the deer season.Same here in NH>
Fun read.
comment by fredo on July 21, 2011 3:30 PM ()
Glad to hear it Fredo. I thought of you and Mike today - we're starting our standby generator project.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:17 PM ()
comment by kristilyn3 on July 21, 2011 3:30 PM ()
Hope you're having a wonderful day.
reply by kitchentales on July 22, 2011 2:18 PM ()

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