I am not perfect. I like to think I am, but I am not. I realize this about myself. Like today, I was in the Sprint store waiting for my replacement phone (the screen scrambled when it slid off the dashboard of my truck) and I was watching the people. I saw how irritated they all were at having to wait. I was, but I knew everyone else in there had a problem as important to them as mine was to me.

Then, there are the people on the freeway who believe being ONE more car in front will get them to their destination that much quicker. Or, there are the people doing 50 in the fast lane, oblivious to what is going on around them. While they do pose a safety hazard, they have the same right to be on the freeway as anyone else.

I wonder about people. What makes them do what they do? I heard from Jonathan today. He called me after these many months. It seems he has given up on Pariz and is just Jonathan. He is working as a shift leader at Taco Cabana, a pretty decent Mexican fast food place. he is also helping his friend at her coffeeshop. She has sold it and he is helping her inventory and make the changeover. He seems to have completely changed. I told him I was seeing someone. he said he was seeing some loser but was about to end it. He just wanted to say hi. I am glad he isn't dead somewhere. I hope he finally has his life on track.

Then there is me. I can't even seem to make it to the post office to send Martin his WAY past due birthday cards and a little something else I got for him. It is buried somewhere deep down on my desk. But then, in the same breath, i can make such a drastic life change like going to the gym everyday, changing the way I eat and not having a drink for 45 days. How can I, the guy with probably the least amount of self-restraint in the world, accomplish that?

I worry. I worry about my daughter. M has been sick as of late. I worry that the diabetes has messed with her immune system and she is susceptible to illness now. I worry what her life is going to be like as a diabetic in the future. I know she will take care of herself. It is so much a part of her now. I just worry what it will be like when she decides to rebel.

Hell, I still worry about Amy. I can hear things in her voice now that I thought were gone. I don't know how really happy she is. I hope she is. I just worry that she isn't.

Life goes on I guess. We all are making that march that ends up in a box. We all get there different ways. We all do things we shouldn't. I don't believe any of us are the person we would truly like to be. I know I am probably my harshest critic. I also know that I am probably not all that different from those around me.

BTW, 56 lbs and counting.

Peace.

And cut the people around you some slack. If if they are idiots or fools. Maybe you can touch them like no one else was able. Wouldn't that be a pleasant thought?