Chris

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Username:
thepirateinthecity
Name:
Chris
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Houston, TX
Birthday:
08/27
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Single
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Construction

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My Totally Unfabulous Gay Life

Life & Events > Relationships > Living My Life in a Slow Hell
 

Living My Life in a Slow Hell

I have spent a great deal of time blogging the past few years. I have used this site and others like it as a place to process, share and sometimes amuse. I have created this "Pirate" persona that a few of you seem to genuinely like.

The Bible says that to everything there is a season. A friend of mine sent me an email today that reminded me of that very thing. I feel that the season for my blogging has past. I do not have the passion for it that I once had.

So, tonight, I am sitting here at my computer and I am going to debunk the myth of "The Pirate in the City". Once I come clean you will wonder why you ever liked me, read me or were ever interested in anything I had to say.

I have been in prison. I never told you the entire story. I guess tonight is as good a time as any to come clean and let you know the real me and what really happened.

I was on probation for a variety of offenses. I had gone through a really fucked up period in my life many years earlier. So, because of that the story I am going to relay to you I was unable to defend myself.

I am a sex addict. I have been to groups. I have tried all sorts of treatments. The primary reason all of my relationships fail is because I cannot keep it zipped. For a while, my biggest addiction was Internet Porn. I spent hours surfing around looking for something new and different.

In February of 2000 I was surfing porn at work. I was browsing yahoo groups and one of the groups I surfed had some very disturbing images. There were two child porn pictures on the site. At the moment on of those images was on the screen, one of the other department managers walked into my office and saw it. he reported it to the owner and on the weekend they checked my hard drive. I had not downloaded or saved anything. However, the images were saved in the cache memory of my computer. They called the sex crimes unit of the town I worked and reported the site and me. The next day, Valentines Day 2000, I went to work and was arrested and charged with Possession of Child Pornography. Since there was 2 images, I was charged with 2 felony counts.

I probably could have beaten the case in a trial. However, to get to a trial meant the judge was going to give me 10 years for the probation violation. So, to shorten the sentence, I agreed to a series of 5 year sentences, all to run concurrent. Now, I am registered sex offender in the State of Texas. Because I have two cases, I am required to register every 90 days.

I had to call Amy from jail and tell her that I had been arrested for child pornography.

A few years later, she received another call. I guess it was in the middle of the night or early in the morning saying I was in intensive care in Bayshore Hospital because of an overdose of sleeping pills, psych meds and tequila. The reason I tried to kill myself that time was because I had written 5 checks on my fathers account for about $2500 and had just been kicked out of his house.

The next January, she got another call from me where I came out to her.

There were many other calls at different times. Those are some of the biggies. I just thought all you should know who it really was that you are dealing with here.

The cyclone Chris has passed through many lives. It, me, I leave nothing but heartache and destruction in my wake.

Because of the things I have done, my daughter had to live with her grandparents and my wife had to go through pregnancy alone. I had no contact with my daughter until she was almost 4 1/2 years old. That isn't necessarily the truth either. I had been violating my parole and seeing her. When they decided to polygraph all of the sex offenders to see if they were violating, I came clean to my counselor. When confronted with it, I once again tried to pass the buck and blamed Amy's parents saying they thought I should do anything to see my daughter. That was another phone call she received, my parole officer calling her parents house.

That is me. That is the "Pirate". I am not a nice guy or a good person. This is my very last post on MyBloggers or any other blog site. It is not necessary for you to comment unless you would like to express outrage. I am not going to respond and I am never posting another blog.

I wish all of you the very best. I have enjoyed getting to know many of you.

There is nothing I can ever do to make amends to Amy, M, my parents, her parents or any of you.

Goodbye.

posted on Dec 19, 2008 7:54 PM ()

Comments:

Almost all of us have something in our pasts that we would not want to share with the world. Where you have been does NOT define who you are today, Chris. You certainly know this. Self loathing is a part of the Duck, Dodge and Hide Compulsion that keeps us sick. We are only as sick as our secrets. You have told yours. By me, that makes you a healthy man. Blessed Be.
comment by thestephymore on Dec 30, 2008 5:31 PM ()
I can't add anything, just that I agree with AJ.
comment by stiva on Dec 23, 2008 10:24 AM ()
Chris, I really feel sorry you will leave here. I always liked reading your posts. You always were open and honest about all kind of problems. You also showed lots of emotions here. Thx for that all.
For your time in prison I only can say I knew that happened and we all know now why it happened. You were open about it, perhaps that relieves a bit. You are punished for it and for me that case is closed. You showed enough times here how you care about people. That is worth a lot, Chris.
I hope i am allowed to mail you now and then, cause i dont want to loose contact. You meant a lot to me and specially your advice when an e-friend had probs here helped me a lot. Just want you to know you are a good guy no matter what happened before in your life. M can be proud with a father like you, be sure of that. I wish you lots of luck and love in the future also in medical way. Hugs buddy
comment by itsjustme on Dec 22, 2008 10:18 AM ()
We all have our struggles and weaknesses. You don't have to live your life in hell. I truly believe that God has a plan for all of us and can give us the faith and strength to follow that plan. This comment is not meant to be a sermon... only an encouragement. Annie :o)
comment by anniel on Dec 21, 2008 2:35 AM ()
None of us lives in the past, even when we spend way too much time thinking about it. Most if not all of us make bad choices from time to time. Sometimes we get caught, sometimes we don't, but we move on with life one way or the other.
comment by jjoohhnn on Dec 20, 2008 9:08 AM ()
I agreed with AJ.Life goes on.sorry,to hear about this.
This is tough for anyone to make a comment.But you have been very truthful of your life.You paid the price.Now go on with your life and find a happy medium.As you can see that you are loved here.
comment by fredo on Dec 20, 2008 7:08 AM ()
I'm sorry to hear this, in truth, it appears you made errors, and paid for it in a way I believe was pretty cruel. I hope you have had success with this past problem and then realize all that matters is what's happening right now in your life...there's no reason to quit, but more of a reason to keep the conversation going here to air out your feelings and find support and help here too. I wish the very best...
comment by strider333 on Dec 19, 2008 11:06 PM ()
Chris, you probably know the Bible rather well, since you quoted Ecclesiastes. The Bible also says that "all our righteousness is as filthy rags" and "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God".
The other day I came upon this quote by Nikki Giovanni. "Mistakes are a fact of life./ It is the response to error that counts." It is obvious to anyone who has read your blogs that you are always seeking to move forward with your life and make good choices as best you can.
I wish you luck with your life and hope you change your mind about blogging. You are a person of value here and at Blogster and I know I speak for many when I say that I would like to see you stay.
comment by busymichmom on Dec 19, 2008 8:58 PM ()
comment by jondude on Dec 19, 2008 8:36 PM ()
Never say never!!!
comment by greatmartin on Dec 19, 2008 8:19 PM ()
The amends come in the changes. You know I love you.
comment by peanutsmom on Dec 19, 2008 8:13 PM ()
I know you said that you didn't want us to respond, but you know how well I listen to instructions.
I can't speak to the mistakes you have made in the past. They are what they are. The important thing is that you have learned from your mistakes, and you are trying to be a better person as a result of them. Sometimes people stumble along the way, but you are doing what you can.
AJ
comment by lunarhunk on Dec 19, 2008 8:09 PM ()

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