I downloaded to my ipod some interviews by Terry Gross on NPR’s “Fresh Air” and one of them was with Don Baccardi, who was Christopher Isherwood’s lover for 30 years. I was fascinated to discover that their emotional history mirrored the one I had with my late husband. The age difference created many of the similarities but also the disparity between their stations in life.

Baccardi was 18 and Isherwood was 39 when they met. That’s a bigger gap than the one I had with Jay (21 years) but the dynamics were similar. Isherwood was a Hollywood writer, knew many prominent people in the arts. Baccardi was unformed. My husband, Jay, was a an electronics engineer and a writer in New York, well connected to both the writing and scientific world and knew major figures in both areas as well as in the entertainment world. In the questions below, Don answered in almost every case as I would have.

Were you intimidated at social functions? Terry asked. “At times,” he said, “but Chris protected me.”

Were you overwhelmed by his success? "Social occasions were intimidating, but he helped me grow”, Don says.

Don adds, "He loved me always but we saw other people for a time because I needed to give myself options since we had met when I was so young.”

In the end, “I took care of him when he was dying of prostate cancer and would not hospitalize him because he didn’t want to die in an institution. We were closer than ever in those final days."

Many of you know I did the same, with help from nurses around the clock. It was the best thing I have ever done.

Don also touched on the perception of Isherwood’s friends and social milieu to the relationship. Don was the toy boy. In my case, I was the young thing Jay had married to recapture his lost youth and we wouldn’t last, seeing as how any marriage like that had to be based on short-lived expectations. It never occurred to anyone that we had a rapport based on an instinctive understanding of each other and that we would be together for 36 years.

Don also speaks of his life after Isherwood’s death. He had a younger lover for a while and discovered what Chris’s emotions must have been with him since he was now the older, successful, more experienced partner. In recent years he has reconnected with a man he met years ago, his own age, and now they are together.

Fascinating. He has written a book, “Chris and Don” (or “Don and Chris”?) and I might look for it at the library.

xx, Teal