This was posted on Facebook by Mark Dunn ... I'm glad he stuck around because he was threatening to shut down after the election.

These are great paraprosdokians -- sent to me by my friend Jim Books. I picked out my favorites from the list he sent. (A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.)

-- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

-- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

-- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

-- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

-- If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

-- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

-- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

-- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

-- How come it only takes one match to start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

-- Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

-- I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

-- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

-- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

-- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

-- Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

-- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

-- You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

-- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

-- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

xx, Teal