The following list was sent to me in an E mail entitled “A woman’s perspective”. There were appropriate drawings for each but try as I might, these would not copy.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 5 years in a row. (Drawing of young woman lolling on couch.)

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly question. Chocolate understands.

Vodka is just awesome water.

I wish cake went straight to my boobs.

The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes with leftover wine. I was confused. What is leftover wine?

I wouldn’t need to learn how to manage my anger if people could learn how to manage their stupidity.

When a woman says “What?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the shitstorm that’s coming.

You can only say, “WTF?” so many times a day, until you just decide to start drinking.

When you really want to slap someone, do it, and say “Mosquito!!”

A darling hat, a cute dress. Soon to be a drunken mess. (Drawing of party girl.)

You drink too much, swear too much and have questionable morals. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.

Some day when you have kids, you’ll understand why mommy drinks.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar. (I really like this one.)

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he has cleaned the whole house. (With apologies. I know this is not true of every guy.)

Men think it’s a woman’s dream to find the perfect man. Every woman’s dream is to eat anything without getting fat.

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things I don’t give a shit about.

I am fluent in three languages – English, sarcasm, and profanity.