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I'm ridden with guilt. I have a 40 year old daughter (Cee) in Texas who's in the hospital. She had a pilonidal cyst, and didn't go for treatment till the last minute. She was admitted in near septic shock from the bacteria in her system.
She's on IV's, and IV antibiotics, running a moderate fever, her blood pressure dropped. A physician lanced the site yesterday (Incision and Drainage, in nurse speak) and the cyst is draining--they put packing in it. My other daughter who lives in the same town told me my baby Cee has bags under her eyes and looks wan.
My heart says I need to go be with her. It's 750 miles away. To get there, I would 1) drive, 2) take a plane, which I can't afford, 3) take the bus --for 20 hours--I did it once, never again, not for any reason. If my cousin Ellie wasn't obligated to take care of her two bedridden parents, she could go with me to help drive.
I used to drive to Texas without a second thought, although that drive is dreadful. Going through Baton Rouge is bad, especially now with 40,00 refugees from Katrina increasing drivers on the road--(roads always under construction.) But driving I-10 through Houston is a nightmare. Also I never drove over there during the summer--the heat practically melts the tires off your car.
And lastly, I start physical therapy tomorrow to try to relieve a pinched nerve in my arm that has left me with dead fingers in my right hand--one reason I have to limit my time on the computer. So for all these reasons, or excuses, I am not there in person, instead am on the phone with her day and night, talked to the nurses, who are doing a wonderful job, and get frequent updates from my other daughter.
But the guilt is heavy on me. I've wracked my brain trying to think of a way to get over there. Bye for now, Susil
