British scientists have developed a new vaccine against foot-in-mouth disease (FMD), an advance they believe will present a cure for overly-verbal pols and celebrities worldwide.
“This product does not require live virus for its production,” said a professor of biology connected to the project. “We produce it from synthetic empty protein shells that contain no infectious viral genome.” This means the vaccine does not need to be kept refrigerated. Celebs with big mouths can carry small vials in a shirt or coat pocket and take a swig whenever they feel the approach of a tantrum or dangerous temptation to ad lib.

“Joe Biden’s reps have already contacted us,” said the prof, who requested anonymity for security purposes.

The only problem regarding use of the vaccine, just as with any head case who should be taking meds to keep his mental health stable, is that the big mouth needs to recognize the need for it and take it as directed. This issue was highlighted just last week when Charlie Sheen’s manager phoned to order six dozen vials but Sheen called the next day to cancel the order.

It is expected that the new vaccine – tentatively called TongueTie – will be on the market by late summer in non-descript packaging with the promo tag: A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet.