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Entertainment > Humor > 3 Lawyer Jokes
 

3 Lawyer Jokes



A Russian, a Cuban, an American, and a lawyer were
on a train.  The Russian took a bottle of
the best vodka out of his pack, poured some into a glass, drank it, and said, “In
Russia, we have the best vodka in the world.  Nowhere in the world can you find vodka as good as this. We have so much
of it that we can just throw it away.”  With that, he opened the window and tossed out the rest of the
bottle.  All the others were duly
impressed.

The Cuban brought out a pack of Havanas, took one
cigar out of the box, lit it, and began to smoke, saying “In Cuba, we have the
best cigars in the world: Havanas.  Nowhere in the world is there so many of them that we can just throw
them away.”  With that, he threw the pack
of Havanas out the window.  Again,
everyone was quite impressed.

With that, the American stood up, grabbed the
lawyer, and threw him out of the window.

                                                            ***

A housewife, an accountant, and a lawyer were asked,
“How much is two plus two?”

“Four,” said the housewife.

“I’m not sure,” said the accountant.  “Let me run those figures through my
spreadsheet one more time.”

The lawyer pulled the drapes closed, dimmed the
lights, and asked in a hushed voice:  “How
much do you want it to be?”

                                                            ***

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt
pocket, and ordered a double scotch.  A
few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket then ordered another
double.  This routine continued for some
time, until finally, after once more looking into his pocket, the man told the
bartender that he’d had enough.

“I’ve got to ask you,” the bartender says, “what’s
with the pocket business?”

“Oh,” the guy says, “I’ve got my lawyer’s picture in
here. When he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough.”

posted on Mar 26, 2013 7:57 PM ()

Comments:

Very funny. I posted a long list of lawyer jokes a while back. If I find it, I'll post it again.
comment by tealstar on May 15, 2013 2:11 PM ()
An engineer, a mathematician, and a lawyer were arguing about the nature of God. The mathematician pointed to the order in the universe and concluded that, certainly, God must be a mathematician. Then engineer noted that God created the world in just six days, “surey a tremendous engineering feat”.

The lawyer claimed that there was no question but that God was a lawyer. “How do you figure?” his opponents replied.

“What did God create the universe from?”

“Why, out of chaos.”

“And who created the chaos?”
comment by miker on Mar 28, 2013 7:38 PM ()
Thanks for this. I always make this point whenever people talk about the wonders of God.
reply by tealstar on May 15, 2013 2:12 PM ()
reply by steeve on Mar 29, 2013 7:11 AM ()
Glad you can laugh at them.
comment by elderjane on Mar 28, 2013 4:49 AM ()
I'll laugh at lawyers before I'll laugh at clowns, altho' both can be equally scary.
reply by steeve on Mar 28, 2013 6:41 AM ()
The last guy used to say that he had a picture of his wife in his pocked and.. but that's Ok!
comment by jjoohhnn on Mar 27, 2013 6:26 PM ()
Funny either way...I'll leave it at that!
reply by steeve on Mar 28, 2013 6:39 AM ()
comment by hobbie on Mar 27, 2013 7:43 AM ()
What can't a duck do, and a lawyer refuses to do?

Stick their bill up their A$$.
comment by troutbend on Mar 26, 2013 9:51 PM ()
I love lawyer jokes.
reply by steeve on Mar 27, 2013 9:06 AM ()

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