A Russian, a Cuban, an American, and a lawyer were
on a train.  The Russian took a bottle of
the best vodka out of his pack, poured some into a glass, drank it, and said, “In
Russia, we have the best vodka in the world.  Nowhere in the world can you find vodka as good as this. We have so much
of it that we can just throw it away.”  With that, he opened the window and tossed out the rest of the
bottle.  All the others were duly
impressed.

The Cuban brought out a pack of Havanas, took one
cigar out of the box, lit it, and began to smoke, saying “In Cuba, we have the
best cigars in the world: Havanas.  Nowhere in the world is there so many of them that we can just throw
them away.”  With that, he threw the pack
of Havanas out the window.  Again,
everyone was quite impressed.

With that, the American stood up, grabbed the
lawyer, and threw him out of the window.

                                                            ***

A housewife, an accountant, and a lawyer were asked,
“How much is two plus two?”

“Four,” said the housewife.

“I’m not sure,” said the accountant.  “Let me run those figures through my
spreadsheet one more time.”

The lawyer pulled the drapes closed, dimmed the
lights, and asked in a hushed voice:  “How
much do you want it to be?”

                                                            ***

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt
pocket, and ordered a double scotch.  A
few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket then ordered another
double.  This routine continued for some
time, until finally, after once more looking into his pocket, the man told the
bartender that he’d had enough.

“I’ve got to ask you,” the bartender says, “what’s
with the pocket business?”

“Oh,” the guy says, “I’ve got my lawyer’s picture in
here. When he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough.”