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Can of Worms
Can of Worms
I had quite an exciting and very awkward night.
I decide to bring Thom some soup after work as he's been sick too and I hadn't heard from him in a couple days. I sent a text to him on Monday: "Hey sexy, you still alive? xo" And didn't hear back.
I get to his house Tuesday night and end up surprising him more than I realize at the time. Mind you, I have never ever shown up unexpectedly at his house. His ex girlfriend, L was also coming over so she could vent about her family problems since Thom and she had been together for about 8 years, he understood her family problems better than any of her friends. They had recently started talking again and he offered to let her drop over anytime for a beer and to vent.
It just happened that we both chose last night to drop in on Thom. Five minutes after I show up, Ex-L also shows up just as Thom is trying to explain the situation. And after another five minutes of having the hyper dogs running around all excited to have three people give them attention, I meet Thom's Ex.
Inside I was freakin' out! My gut was full of emotion, in my mind, she was this mythic creature that Thom had no photo evidence of in his house. I wanted to ask her how long it took Thom to tell her that he loved her. I wanted to know why she left him after 8 years. I wanted to know why she wasn't tiny since Thom seems to have issues with buxom women and thinking they are unattractive, or maybe she's the reason he has issues with buxom women. Making me have issues as I was a buxom woman when Thom and I first met 2 years ago.
But most of all, I wanted to RUN.
Ex-L politely asks that I stay, I decline saying that I need to get home as I am still sick and have laundry to do. Thom tries his awkward best to make the situation better. He insists that I take some of the food with me and then walks me to my car. He apologizes and kisses me several times to comfort me but I was still in flight mode.
I bottled up my feelings long enough to tell him that it was okay and I waved goodbye as I drove away. I was on the verge of tears from all the intense emotions and questions going on in my head.
I arrived home as it starts to rain. I was talking out-loud to myself going over in my head who I could call to vent my own issues to, who also understands my relationship with Thom. I decide Hans was my best bet.
And he is, Hans listens to me and we talk about my feelings. Hans knows that I'm always questioning if I should stay with Thom because I don't know if we have a real future together. Hans makes me cry by telling me that I deserve better and I deserve to be with someone who can say the words, I love you. And not be afraid to say them myself.
He and his girlfriend invite me to go out for cake or something but since I'm in my pjs and the rain was coming down hard, I decline.
I start my laundry in hopes that doing something, even walking carefully down the steps, one step at a time because of my tendinitis, would help calm me down. It does and Rigby joins me each time as she loves walking up and down those steps outside the apartment. She even meows at the door when it was time to change loads and to take them out of the dryer. She's one smart kitty.
Right after putting the clean sheets on my bed, Thom calls.
We talk for a long time about the awkwardness of having me meet his ex, about his ex and him talking about me after I left, about my freakin' out and trying to flee his place - he said I didn't seem so freaked out, about his new phone turning off when he charges it causing him not to get my texts until Tuesday, about the tv show LOST which I got him addicted to, about which movies we'll go see soon and about our plans this weekend to walk around a hip part of town, eat out at an Italian joint and then Sunday go to an annual Easter brunch with my friends.
We almost got off the phone but the conversation lingers and he tells me that he appreciates my checking on him, bringing him soup, and that I care that much about him. I tease him, "Well, I know you won't say it but I do love you." He chuckles, and tells me that he has more to say on that and would tell me over diner this Saturday.
*sigh* a cliff hanger? After all I just went through? After finally succumbing my fear of telling him that I love him straight out? I have to wait till Saturday?! Especially since I never really know what's going on in his head and this something could be anything good or bad. *sigh*
I really opened a Can of Worms last night unintentionally.
posted on Apr 8, 2009 12:37 PM ()
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