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One Week Later
One Week Later
It's been a tough week. If it weren't for my friends I wouldn't have survived.
Since Tuesday night, Thom has only pushed one form of communication, via facebook. He's been commenting more than he had as my boyfriend. Thom status messages have given me a mixture of satisfaction and pain. Including, "I think my head is going to explode" and "I'm a mess."
I sorta feel the same today. I made plans all weekend and forgot about Sunday. So while I've managed to stay strong since Wednesday, today I cried (you thought I was gonna say called him, didn't you?) I can't call him. I can't see him. If I do, I'm worried that I won't hold my ground. I admit it, I miss him.
And I don't want to be single... Not to say that I'm ready to date or jump into anything. Or go back to Thom with the good and the bad that our relationship was. I just don't want to be single anymore. I liked having a boyfriend. I've had very few in my life.
I realized on Friday night that I got what I asked for in Thom. After my last break up, I asked for a lover and a friend. What I left out was that I also wanted my lover to love me.
So I'm trying to figure out the new definition of what I'm looking for so I can put it out into the universe. So far, I'm looking for a man that shares my wit, my values, my adventurous spirit, my capacity for love, my sexual passion, my desire to find that person to grow old and in-love with, that doesn't have an allergy to cats, and can pay for his fair share of meals.
I really need to stay strong and remember that I deserve so much more than Thom is emotionally capable of giving me.
As a good friend told me on Friday, I need a love story.
posted on July 5, 2009 5:48 PM ()
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