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The Sadness Lingers
The Sadness Lingers
I think I'm all out of tears but the sadness lingers in my heart.
I'm sure I will be sorry for revealing this but I agreed to dinner with Thom last night... in a public place. He caught me off-guard with a text message at 5:30am that morning. The true shocker is that I managed to keep my mouth shut all day and not tell my girlfriends of my stupid plans. Even the two that sit within 8 feet of me at work.
I met him at our favorite pizza spot and we talked. Mostly he talked, I just sat there guarded. He didn't have an agenda, he wasn't about to propose or anything, and I certainly have learned not to expect such gestures from him. He just missed me and hanging out with me.
I guess you could say I was his best friend and when I left, his other friends just couldn't fill my shoes. I think this was the same problem he had with the last girlfriend, he hung out with her instead of keeping his other friendships nurtured.
We sat and talked about random things while sharing a pizza till 8 and he walked me to my car, I told him that he really needs to focus on getting over his last relationship. He said he was over her just not the problems they had. I told him that he'll never find love or start a family until he deals with those issues. He responded that he's a mess and I'm better off without him.
We both agreed that our relationship lasted longer because of the incredible sex. I told him that if he hadn't brought it up, I would have ended it soon with him anyway. I've been upset with him for over a month. He said I had every right to be mad at him.
I wouldn't let him hug me good-bye. I'm just not that strong. He understood. Even though he did touch my arm at dinner a couple times, I just glared at him each time.
I thought I was gonna cry when I got into my car but no tears came. I sobbed for a moment but still no tears filled my eyes. I think I'm done crying over him. My heart still hurts and I'm still very sad. But mostly that's because I have to face the dating world again, and hope and dream that the next man is the one I can count on to grow old with.
I really am tired of being alone. I'm the Done Girl in that department. And I want to be loved. I want that love story with the happy ending. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be true.
posted on July 8, 2009 11:54 AM ()
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