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As I entered my thirties, more and more of my friends started having children.
Now as I turn the corner toward my forties, more friends are either trying to get pregnant or worried about never having children. And for these women I am hopeful.
But I still don't want a sticky fingered child of my very own. I am selfish and my biological clock ticked once when I was twenty and hasn't made a peep since.
Look at me, I'm a woman who got two cats because she didn't want to commit to a dog! And now I've got a 40 year old boyfriend who wants kids. He won't say he wants them, he'll even deny it and say that he's not sure. But as he said after Valentine's Day, "actions speak louder than words."
We've had several conversations on the subject all with me looking deep into his green eyes and saying as sincerely as I can, "If you really want to have kids, you may need to find another girlfriend and stop wasting your time with me." Which is when he responds with not being sure what he wants.
Sunday morning he was teasing me that his sperm was gonna linger until I ovulate and get me pregnant even though I'm on the pill. I teased back that my uterus has been trained to kill sperm. I reminded him that even pregnant I still wouldn't be able to move in with him leaving me pregnant all on my own. Not an ideal situation and I told him again that I refuse to give up my cats. He said again, he would never ask me to give them up.
But there we are. He's allergic, his Pitt Bull may or may not shake my cats to death, he's not sure, and I know that I don't want to have babies.
But I love him. And I know he loves me even if he isn't ready to say it.
So where does this road lead us?