My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok!
-- Jay Leno (as he had his arms around Curvaceous cook Nigella Lawson)

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
-- Samuel Butler

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton (quoted in Canada Monthly, Jun 1963
)
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
-- W.C. Fields (Mississippi, 1935)

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
-- Mel Gibson

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.
-- Laurence Sterne

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
-- David Niven (The Moon is Blue, 1953)

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
-- Lenny Bruce

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-- Edgar Watson Howe

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
-- Groucho Marx

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.
-- Phyllis Diller (as quoted in Woman's Almanac, 1977)

A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.
-- W.C. Fields

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
-- Ellen DeGeneres (as spoken at the 2001 Emmy's)

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
-- Groucho Marx

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
-- Tallulah Bankhead

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
-- Joey Adams

Man has will, but woman has her way.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis

What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
-- .htm">Lord Byron