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I was out running some errands a few days ago and decided to stop at a fast food place for lunch. I was by myself, so I had to make the choice. Hmm. There's Taco Bell on the right side of the road and I won't have to cross traffic...so the choice is made.
I decide to go in and sit down instead of opting for the drive-thru. I have been known to make a mess when trying to multi-task by eating/drinking and driving. Not a pretty picture plus it makes a mess in my car. (Note: remember the Valentine's Day gift of having my car detailed and it still looks great! Not going to mess it up now.)
Taco Bell has been advertising a new chicken enchilada thing that perked my interest. I ordered one, grabbed a sweet iced tea like God intended for it to be and headed toward a seat. I got a napkin and utensil from the counter, found a table away from screaming children and/or the old lady who looks like she hasn't had a bath since Kennedy was in office.
I opened the plastic covering my eating utensil. What the hell blue blazes is this??? I can manage chopsticks well enough to know I would never starve if that was the only way to get food to my mouth. I can manage a fork. I can manage a spoon. Well shoot, I could even manage balancing peas on a knife if the occasion presented itself. BUT...what was I to do with this hybrid, malfunctioning, your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine piece of plastic?
The tongs were not long enough to spear anything. Soup would not find a nesting place in the shallow bowl just below a short handle. There I sat with a chicken enchilada in front of me and no lady-like way to get it to my mouth. Warm cheese on top of the concoction made it even more difficult. I tried to spear a bite and attempted to lift it from the plate. PLOP! Landed right back on the plate with the salsa swimming around it like home base.
I looked for the camera. Surely this would be on You-Tube, Candid Camera or some other clip that caused uncontrolled laughter around the world. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary...except that thing I was trying to use to get a bite of food to my mouth. I calmly walked up to the counter and asked the 16 year old high school drop out with no purpose in life except an I-Pod and cell phone and sponging off parents for a fork. He looked at me as though I had a third eye. "Uhhh, they're right over there" he said through the lip, tongue and God only knows what else piercings as he pointed with a finger tipped with black nail polish. "No" I responded with all the Southern Ladyness I could muster, "those are not forks." "Uhhhh, that's all we got", Einstein-child responded.
I turned and walked back to my table. Now at this point some folks would just toss the food in the trash and go across the street to Mickey-D's for some artery clogging fries and Big Mac which can be eaten with the hands. Oh no...not this always-be-prepared-for-emergencies-of-any-kind person! I dug deep into the abyss of my purse and came up with a fork neatly sealed in plastic that I had stuck in there who knows how long ago just in case of situations like this. (Note to self: replace used fork as soon as you get home.)
AH-HA! I could spear the chunk of fast food delicacy and enjoy my now room temperature food. (Samonella be damned, full fork ahead!)
Two purposes for this rant: First, what is a spork and who was the demented person to invent such a useless piece of equipment? Second: Always travel with a plastic fork, spoon and pack of handy wipes in your purse. If you are a male, be sure to have a female accompany you with such items available during the emergency.
I may have never been a Girl Scout (back then they wore ugly shoes and I would never be caught dead in those) but I have learned through the years to always be prepared when going out in public. This is another reason I have a large purse or at least one with sufficient compartements for those necessities of life.
Be prepared. Not just a Scout's motto anymore but one of survival in the world of sporks!
Mz Scarlett...I'm finished ranting/raving for the moment. Hang around, there will probably be more to come!