Things have changed since my little rant the other day.

My sister called me a couple times, and the other night she let me know that the school will be testing my niece for possible learning disabilities within the next two weeks. That's great news, since they initially told her it could take months.

Sister also asked my niece again if she wants to speak to someone about all the things that have been bothering her, and her answer was still an immediate 'yes'. So Sis is finally planning on making an appointment with someone up on base to get the whole therapy process started.

Sis opened up a little more and voiced her underlying concerns to me, and I now see where she is coming from, and don't blame her one bit... As adults, we all know that the healing process is a very painful one, even if the end result is worthwhile. So Sis worries that if Niece visits a therapist, it will bring out more skeletons from her closet, and that things will get even worse for her, rather than better.

My niece went through a period from the time she was about 3 - 5 where she would hurt herself when she got upset -- scratching her face, hitting herself, pulling her hair out. Other times, she would simply threaten to hurt herself. My sister was at a loss. While Niece apparently no longer acts out in this particular way, I can see why Sis is afraid to put her in a situation where a therapist might drudge up old painful feelings that will cause her to act out like that again. No parent would ever want to see their child revert to that state.

So in that regard, I can completely understand why she is dragging her feet. It scares the shit out of her... and even though I'm only an aunt who lives a million miles away, and I'm not there to witness the drama on a daily basis, it scares the shit out of me too. I don't know why I never put two and two together and realized that is why Sis was stalling. Of course, I was still under the impression that Niece was continuing to hurt herself, so I figured it couldn't possibly get any worse. But I guess since she stopped hurting herself earlier this year, Sis sees that as a huge stride towards improvement, even though Niece continues to act out in new ways.

So as Sis goes forward and finally makes the appointment, I really, really hope n' pray that the therapist will do more good than harm, and give Niece a new outlet when she's upset. I hope that Niece won't go back to hurting herself. I hope that healing can come without pain.

Another concern of mine stems from my niece's father. I never liked him. He was abusive towards my sister and my niece, which is why Niece is so messed up today... but my concern regarding him goes even further beyond that. I mean, he was one mean and crazy mother f*cker, and I worry that with his own big laundry list of issues, maybe he had some issues that could be passed down genetically. Is mental illness hereditary? The only reason I ask is because that's how I found out Niece had been hurting herself in the first place. Niece is the spitting image of my sister, so I once asked Sis if she could see any of Niece's father's characteristics in her, and that's when she told me how Niece would threaten to hurt herself when she was upset. Her father used to do the same thing as a way to manipulate Sis to stay with him.

Gawd, I wish I lived closer so I could be there to show her love, and hold her, and hug her, and be a good aunt. Instead all I can do is worry from afar... and hope... and pray... and spoil her at Christmas and at birthdays.

Anyhow, between the upcoming learning disabilities assessment and possible therapy, hopefully 2009 will be a year of healing without pain.