Just a few things I said to my mother today:

Mom! I'm 62 years old. I know how to cook a chicken breast.

What the h... are you talking about?

Mom, it's a single serving. You don't need to put it in that big bowl. It's just a small serving. Use the soup bowl. It's only a single serving. Mom, it's...oh never mind.

What the f... are you talking about?

Don't sit in that chair. It's too hard to get out of. Don't sit there Mom. Mom! don't sit...oh screw it. Sit where you want.

What the h... are you taking about?

No Mom. You can't have another pain pill until 5 o'clock. It hasn't been four hours yet. You can damage your liver if you take too much. You have to wait another hour. Look, you just got up. You're stiff. Walk around and you'll feel better. Yes you will. You always do. No Mom. You can't have another pain pill until 5 o'clock....

Fine! Go ahead. Do it yourself. I actually enjoy picking up broken dishes and mopping up your mess.

Liar! You did to swear. You curse every time you drop something.

What the f... are you talking about?

But I'm a good daughter so I only said them in my mind.