My nerves are shot. I have just returned home after spending a month with my mother, a woman I love dearly but can not stand to be around. Aside from all her quirks and personality deficits she is losing it. There are certain simple concepts she no longer understands. A once wonderful knitter, she would now have trouble making a dishcloth. She insists on living on her own, in her own house but she should be in an independent living facility. She can't vacuum or wash floors. She can't dust anything higher than her head. She can't strip and remake her bed. She can't even change a light bulb. I carefully instructed her for the umpteenth time on how to safely get in and out of the bathtub, where to sit on her bath bench and how to wash herself with her new hand held shower. Then I made her take a shower by herself. After ten minutes I peeked in to see how she was doing and found her standing, shower curtain wide open and water all over the bathroom. I feel so very sad for her, knowing what is coming. She seems to be totally oblivious to her predicament. She refuses to have the home care ladies come to help. She refuses to allow a cleaning lady to be hired. She "forgets" to do her physiotherapy exercises until it's too late in the day.

I have not yet adjusted to being home. I'm still opening the cupboard under the sink expecting to see a garbage can in there. Mine is on the other side of the kitchen. I'm trying to flip on light switches that don't exist. I'm still reaching for toilet paper on my left when both of my bathrooms have it on the right. Although I slept in my comfy Tempur-Pedic bed last night I continued to wake up every hour or two as I did on my mom's lumpy guest bed. I can't wait for things to get back to normal so I will sit quietly and chant, "Om mani padme hum".