To start the day...

Without my consent, my mind delved into an un-wanted past experience an sent my dream into the war days again, only this time I was on the front line!

It was night, I was down in a bunker peering over the hill watching this guard patrol by. I knew if I could just make it into this out-house building across the way, I might make it out of there. I recall getting up and slipping into the little building, it was small, cold, wet, smelly with a little window. I looked out at this man begging the patrol guy for his child's saftey,then *Bang* a bomb went off in the distance. The blastwave sent debris hurling at the little window I was looking out of. I remember thnking - 'That was close' - I have to get out of here. Then another bang! this time it was closer and I watched the blast wave head toward me like a tsunami of blackness! Almost imediaetly I was shroweded by bricks and dirt and something else. My arms were over my face - I felt no pain except for his 'stinging sensation in my arms, I knew it was over for me. Then I woke up!

I so wanted to have a lie in today, just to catch up on some sleep, but no matter what I couldn't shake of this stupid dream! I hate that when that happens.
I spend time telling the kids it's only a dream and telling them how to shake it off and dream of buttercups and sweeties, but this one was making me physiclly sick like the last 'weird past life dream experience' I had. Refusing to fight thefeeling, got up. 8:30am on a Sunday!!! Maybe if I could turn back the clock I might look at this from another point of view and welcomed the early start instead of letting it eat me away all day.

I haven't been very aproachable if im honest, I know that now since me myself and had a head to head and reminded myself it's Christmas and that I shouldn't be making everybodys life misserable by closing down! My hubby asked what was wrong, I said I was feeling sick, which I was, but he knew that wasn't the whole reason why, and all day he's been on my case about it. I know now I should have just talked about it and be done with it, because he himself has got 'real' concerns to deal with and I didn't comfort him once,he probably needed me more than I needed him.