or lack thereof...

This morning I saw R laying in bed still so I was like "What are ya doin lazy???" He said he didn't sleep well at all so he was calling in. Slacker!!!

I haven't been sleeping well at all the past 2 nights.

Sunday night I was perplexed about the funeral and if I should go. I was also worried about the gym and all the new intimidating equipment that I would be facing and most likely looking like an idiot trying to figure it out. I don't know why this bothers me, it's not like I couldn't figure it out, I know I can and will and all will be well. It has just been stressing me out for some reason!

Last night I wrote out 4 sympathy cards. One to his parents, one to his wife who I haven't ever met, one to his brother, and one to my other across the street neighbors. They all remained close, I was the lone straggler... That bothers me too sometimes, ya know? In my high school years I always felt like the outsider while they remained close and have to this day.

But anyways, I am ok with my decision not to go home, but then again I am not. I feel as though no one is going to know I care - I think that's why I wrote so many sympathy cards. I wanted them all to know that I care about them and my childhood pal who died.

I think too much I think.

But these things kept me awake a lot of the night. I then woke up at 5:30 never to fall back to sleep. Bleh.

Tonight R and I are going to the gym to test it out so shortly after that I foresee myself in bed. At least the intimidating machine nightmare should be squashed!!! [ROLLEYES] I am such a weirdo... :0)