16 Sept 2008

At some point each day I just have to say "Fhuck it. I don't care anymore."

It usually happens close to quiting time at work or about dusk when I have a project I’m working on at home. Today that point was reached approximately 20 minutes after I woke up this morning.

You see folks, I'm that guy who shows up 10 minutes early to work so that he's ready to actually start working on time. I'm that guy that people expect to finish their job for them because they're lazy or just don't care. I'm that guy who catches hell and works twice as hard to fix other peoples mistakes or fhuck-ups, not because it's my fault, but because nobody else will do it. I'm the guy that management relies on to do all these things. Why? Because they know I do things right.

Well guess what? Today I'm not that guy. I don't care today. Oh I'll do my job and do it right. But anything over and above that? Well that's just not my problem, now is it?

Later....

Ok. I'm a bit better. I managed to get a quick nap in during break time earlier. Since I came in today with a crappy attitude, of course we are running a lot of specialty parts that are (of all things) very labor intensive on my part along with all our normal parts that I need to keep up with. *Sigh* Can't win can I?

So even though I don't want to care, I have too because that's what is expected of me. *Sigh x2*

Its days like this that I miss nicotine products. I quit smoking almost a year ago and I quit dipping about six months ago. It's been a very close thing to keep myself from dipping. Only because I know that I can have one and then stop. Not the same for cigarettes. If I have one, I'm back smoking full time.

I began smoking back when I was 14. All told I have smoked for about 20 years. I've quit off and on over the years and the best I've ever done was 1 1/2 years about 5 years ago. Now I'm up to about a year now and I still crave a smoke. I'll be 37 on my next birthday.

I just want to be a better person. Both mentally and physically better. Since I joined weight watchers a few weeks ago I've been more aware of the foods I eat and the amount of food I eat. I've only lost .8 of a pound so far in nearly four weeks time. I'm not happy about that. But I go to the gym twice a week and I do both cardio and weights. But I don't seem to be losing any weight.

I don't want to do anything radical about my food, just because it would cost so much to eat a different diet than my wife. We both fix healthy meals, so I don't worry about that so much. It's the amount of food I eat that's killing me. I have yet to feel full when dieting and it tends to make me a bit nuts.

I'm pre-diabetic or hypoglycemic which means I get low blood sugar instead of high blood sugar like a full diabetic. So I'm forced to eat 4-5 times a day and every time I have to eat some kind of protein.

Seeing as my father is a full diabetic and I’ve seen what he goes through… Yeah, don’t want anything to do with it.





17 Sept 2008

You know it's gonna be a long day when your first thought upon awakening is, "I sure could use a nap today." Ha-ha, I wish I was joking.

Later...

Well I made the mistake of looking in the local want ads today. Found a couple nice deals on the motorcycle I want. I’ve been wanting a Yamaha Road Star motorcycle for a while. Its much larger size wise and has a MUCH bigger motor. My Shadow has a 750cc motor and the Road Star has a 1700cc motor. *grunt, grunt, scratch at groin*

We were supposed to look into buying me a new-used bigger motorcycle this fall and M would take my bike over. I want a bigger bike because I like to travel distances on the motorcycle and when M and I are both on my current bike it really has to strain to run at highway speeds. Even with one person if you have a headwind the bike struggles to keep up with traffic.

But we caught that good deal on M's bike so my new-used bike is no longer within reach. But that doesn’t keep me from dreaming and wishing for a new bike.

OK that’s it for now…

I’m Alive… So Far…