Yesterday I walked a couple miles. It was the first Monday morning round at Seneca Hills G.C. of my Mens' League. We play golf, or I should say, we try.

The weather has improved. The sun warmed the course as we slogged through the muck of the melted winter. As exercise, the round proved good for me. I got leg cramps most of last night. The pain was awful but it means the winter muscle trophy will soon be a memory.

Before I bore you about a game that you probably don't play, let me get to the point: This is about the little white ball that is the focus of the game.

The night before, I put many boxes of golf balls on the counter in my kitchen. I had no idea that I owned so many golf balls!

For many Christmasses past I received boxes of balls as presents. They accumulated in a big plastic lidded bin that I use to keep all of my golf items that need to be stored. Golf balls usually come in dozens, in a box that usually contains four sleeves, three balls each. I have a box of Titleist balls, a box of Top-Flight balls, two boxes of Nike balls, a box of Pinnacles and three boxes of the ball I play with - Callaway Warbirds. (I play with that ball because it is hard and flies just as far as an expensive one, such as a Titleist Pro-V1. Pro-V1 balls cost fifty bucks a dozen. Warbirds cost fifteen bucks a dozen. I have noticed that both balls go in the creeks and ponds just as easily. I have compared them from the tee and on the green, and they act exactly the same when I play with them. The thirty-five dollar difference is worth a good meal or even the price of playing a decent course for 18 holes!)

That is 8 boxes X 12 balls, which equals 96 balls.

Aside from those I have three bags of assorted balls from merchants with their logos stamped on the surfaces. Each bag contains around two dozen balls, and that is another 60 balls.

156 brand new golf balls!

In my club bag I have about 15 balls. Most of them are either dirty or balls I have lifted from creeks and tall grass, the edge of cornfields or simply found somewhere near or on a course. Add to those the six new Warbirds I always pack for the game, and I'm coming around to a total of near 176 balls in my possession.

In one of my cabinets I have the four souvenir tin boxes of Tiger Woods Grand Slam (it means he won four consecutive Major Championships - the Masters, the US Open, The Open Championship in the UK, and the PGA Championship. Each of those contains twelve precious stamped balls with the commemorative written on them. I didn't purchase those tins for playing balls. I am a souvenir pack rat. Some day I may put the lot on eBay.

Now, Each time I play golf I usually lose one ball (unless it is a difficult course with many hazards - where I may lose up to four.) So if I play golf 176 times from this day, I will run out of golf balls.

Therefore, as my birthday approaches, I am writing this for the purpose of informing all my friends and relatives, lady pals, merchants where I do business and colleagues that I do not wish to receive any more golf balls as presents or gifts from this day forward. I am well stocked now and you may cease and desist the practice.

I do notice, however, that my single malt Scotch supply is running very low.

Take a note. May 5th is my birthday. I should be playing a magnificent golf course on that day. Maybe I will lost more of these balls. Make sure you pack enough foam around the Scotch so that the postman doesn't hear it gurgle.