THE VACUUM KISS
Recommended in the 1936 manual The Art of Kissing, the Vacuum Kiss is performed by "sucking inward as though you were trying to draw out the innards of an orange." The powerful suction on the lips requires that the kiss must be brief. Be advised that when the lips have wearied, they should not be torn suddenly apart, or a loud smack will startle others nearby. Instead, gently loosen a corner of the mouth to release a faint hissing. If the kiss has been performed correctly, the manual notes, "a delicious sense of torpor will creep over your entire body, giving a lassitude that is almost beatific."

THE BUTTERFLY FLUTTER
Place your eye within a breath of your partner's cheek. Open and close your eyelids against her skin. If this is done correctly, the flutter sensation on her cheek should match the one in her heart.

THE EARLOBE LAP
You will do well to experiment with little sips of the lobe, but great control is recommended to avoid loud slurping--the erogenous ear is also an especially sensitized noise detectors. (Take care not to swallow any earrings.)

THE TALKING KISS
Sweet nothings whispered into the mouth are sweeter than those whispered into the ear, because the mouth is the preferred organ for tasting. If caught in the act, simply say, as Chico Marx, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth."

THE HAND KISS
Historically, the Hand Kiss, with its required bow of subordination, showed deference to a lady. If a male was too superior to lower himself, he simply raised the woman's hand to his mouth. Since the Hand Kiss had now fallen out of fashion, it makes an unexpected romantic impression. To perform it correctly, lower your eyes and cup shoulders over the lady's fingers, prolonging the moment when your lips rest on her hand. You will know the kiss has made its mark if the receiver avoids washing for several days to make sure the warm sensation stays sealed where your lips have placed it.

THE ESKIMO KISS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo Kiss is not done merely to keep the lips from freezing together. In fact, some tribes in hot African countries rub or press noses in greeting and use a word for "kiss" that means "smell." In Malaysia, Charles Darwin reported the following: "The woman squatted with their faces upturned; my attendants stood leaning over them, laid the bridge of their noses at right angles over theirs, and commenced rubbing. It lasted somewhat longer than a hearty handshake with us. During this process they uttered a grunt of satisfaction."

THE HICKEY KISS
It may take some practice to create a personalized hickey in the shape of, say, your favorite sailing ship. No need to get fancy. The main objective is simply to avoid drawing blood while leaving your mark that will prove to your sweetheart (and all her girlfriends) that last night's interlude was not a dream.

THE ELECTRIC KISS
Choose a partner. Turn the lights low. Shuffle wildly across the carpet until you've neared your partner in a sufficiently charged state. Lean slowly toward him, so that your lips are the first body parts to touch. Sparks will fly in the darkness. Avoid the natural inclination to pull away. After becoming accustomed to the shock, you may be inclined to increase the voltage with a battery-powered device or an electric socket. Resist the Temptation.

THE FRENCH KISS
Some call this "The Soul Kiss," because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues. Surprisingly, the French call this "The English Kiss."

THE MARATHON MAKE-OUT KISS
In the words of Elizabeth Barrett Browning, it is "as long and silent as the ecstatic might."
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