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Recent Quips from Late Night (12/08/2008)
Recent Quips from Late Night (12/08/2008)
"In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, 'This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'I get it. I get it. I'm leaving.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'" --David Letterman
"Welcome to 'The Tonight Show.' I have some wonderful news for you. Everyone in our audience tonight is getting a Federal bailout. Congratulations!" --Jay Leno
"Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats." --Conan O'Brien
"Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer." --Craig Ferguson
"Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week." --Jay Leno
"A lot of people have forgotten about President Bush, but this transitional period is a busy time for President Bush as well. He's busy granting pardons. Today, he pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric." --David Letterman
"Everyone's talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer's lot." --Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She's going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is." --Craig Ferguson
"It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, 'Wait. You mean that wasn't lemon Tang?'" --Conan O'Brien
posted on Dec 8, 2008 8:24 AM ()
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Hi John! I've heard about all these people. My Owner and her friends were talking about them a lot for awhile. Now, not so much. 
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