Let's see how far I get with this before the children start demanding food, shall we?

I received the DVD set of one of my all time favorite shows, "My So-Called Life" as a belated mother's day gift. You already know the giver. What you might not realize is how fucking hard it was for me to accept the gift.

I've been rationing the episodes. Watching half of one, maybe a whole one, but never more, once a day. I watched one called, "The Zit" the other night.

It played a song called, "Return To Innocence" by Enigma at the end. I was all of a sudden overwhelmed with the urge to cry. I was full. And surrounded. And I didn't know why.

I chalked it up to being emotional and liking the show and feeling unbelievable gratitude for the gift that was so fucking hard to accept.

And then this morning. Standing in the kitchen, ready to start the daily sweeping. Going over to the shelf that holds the CDs without realizing what I was doing and plucking the Enigma CD that my mother gave me years ago. I've never played it. Not once in all of those years.

Until today.

I was overwhelmed once again, just as I had been on the couch watching "My So-Called Life". Only this time, it was clear.

Images started to come to me. Random but wonderful.

"Time to jump, Janet".

I've been playing the song all day.

And now I'm going to try to share it.

Here goes:



I hope that works. Thanks, AJ, for the help. This meant a lot to me.

I'd like to include some lyrics...some that stood out and flooded me all over again and brought tears to my eyes and flashed clear scenes before my eyes at the same time.

"Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be too proud to be strong. Just look into your heart, my friend, and begin the return to yourself. The return to innocence."

It's time.