No post today from janetk.

Hey. That rhymed.

Now where was I?

Oh, yes….

No post today.

Just more of the same bullshit….Michael is still sick…I am trapped…the girls are singing “bonjour mes amis, bonjour…” in between shouting at imaginary students, while Emma’s Avil Lavinge CD spits out, “he wasn’t what I thought, what I thought now…” and Kate struts around in her dress up skirt and cardigan from Granny…

Nothing to write about.

Hmmm…that’s a lie.

There’s lots that I want to write about. Lots that I would like to release and maybe, just maybe, even offer up. Lots and lots of darkness and rage and hate and poison just sitting there, under the surface, ready to explode and take everyone out with it. Lots of tears in the past twenty four hours, most of them spilled while I sat alone on the porch in the breezeway.

There’s lots that I want to write about.

But here’s the problem.

I’ve shared far too much truth. I miss the quiet safety of my old blog…the cryptic babbling that rarely made sense…writing in code and releasing little bits of poison in the process. Feeling safe releasing the little bits because nobody really knew what I was talking about anyway. I could backslide all over the fucking place and nobody really had a clue because when I wrote about it, none of it made sense.

Well, now you all know the truth, don’t you? I’m out in the open, standing on that fucking limb AGAIN, freezing my ass off, having bared it all on MyBloggers.com and I’ve lost my outlet.

So, there’s no post today.

I am * this * close to ripping somebody’s face off. * This * fucking close. I don’t dare open my mouth. Only venom will leak out this time.

And Tanya frogfenatic is right.

How dare I spout off my “breathe, breathe, breathe” bullshit to everyone else when I can’t (won’t?) do it myself? How dare I think that I have anything to offer to anyone when I’m clearly so fucked up myself? It was never my ego that prompted me to try and help. That’s the honest truth. I hate to see people suffering.

But when it comes to myself…well, I guess I’m not saddened by my own suffering the way that another’s pain saddens me.

So, for that, I do owe several people a huge apology.

I’m sorry.

And now I can hear Emma’s CD again….

“Nice to know we had it all…thanks for watching as I fall…”

Hey wait…

I think I just posted.