Canadian Goddess

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janetk
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Canadian Goddess
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Fenelon Falls, ON
Birthday:
03/21
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In A Relationship

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Tales From Janet Land

Life & Events > Boring > Same Old Bullsh*t
 

Same Old Bullsh*t



No post today from janetk.

Hey. That rhymed.

Now where was I?

Oh, yes….

No post today.

Just more of the same bullshit….Michael is still sick…I am trapped…the girls are singing “bonjour mes amis, bonjour…” in between shouting at imaginary students, while Emma’s Avil Lavinge CD spits out, “he wasn’t what I thought, what I thought now…” and Kate struts around in her dress up skirt and cardigan from Granny…

Nothing to write about.

Hmmm…that’s a lie.

There’s lots that I want to write about. Lots that I would like to release and maybe, just maybe, even offer up. Lots and lots of darkness and rage and hate and poison just sitting there, under the surface, ready to explode and take everyone out with it. Lots of tears in the past twenty four hours, most of them spilled while I sat alone on the porch in the breezeway.

There’s lots that I want to write about.

But here’s the problem.

I’ve shared far too much truth. I miss the quiet safety of my old blog…the cryptic babbling that rarely made sense…writing in code and releasing little bits of poison in the process. Feeling safe releasing the little bits because nobody really knew what I was talking about anyway. I could backslide all over the fucking place and nobody really had a clue because when I wrote about it, none of it made sense.

Well, now you all know the truth, don’t you? I’m out in the open, standing on that fucking limb AGAIN, freezing my ass off, having bared it all on MyBloggers.com and I’ve lost my outlet.

So, there’s no post today.

I am * this * close to ripping somebody’s face off. * This * fucking close. I don’t dare open my mouth. Only venom will leak out this time.

And Tanya frogfenatic is right.

How dare I spout off my “breathe, breathe, breathe” bullshit to everyone else when I can’t (won’t?) do it myself? How dare I think that I have anything to offer to anyone when I’m clearly so fucked up myself? It was never my ego that prompted me to try and help. That’s the honest truth. I hate to see people suffering.

But when it comes to myself…well, I guess I’m not saddened by my own suffering the way that another’s pain saddens me.

So, for that, I do owe several people a huge apology.

I’m sorry.

And now I can hear Emma’s CD again….

“Nice to know we had it all…thanks for watching as I fall…”

Hey wait…

I think I just posted.

posted on Mar 11, 2008 8:46 AM ()

Comments:

Kiddo, what is going on?? You sound so very down. Don't you dare stop writing your so very creative style is what gets me through my days sometimes. I need you and your specialty that is unique to you! Be yourself always--we love you dearly!
comment by angiedw on Mar 18, 2008 2:53 AM ()
i will get you a blanket so you can cover your bare ass, hey butt wait! You have a nice bare ass! Let's let it hang out!
comment by mmmhollywould on Mar 13, 2008 9:22 AM ()
You have much to offer for advice. It is always easier to advice from the outside looking in. Hope I didn't piss you off by my comment. It was meant with love. And please keep the advice coming. One tends to get blind by one's own bullsh*t. By the way, I loved the irony of you censoring the word bullsh*t since you haven never minced words or thoughts before. You can always go be cryptic back at blogster anytime! I'll be stumped and dumbfounded for you anytime!
comment by frogfenatic on Mar 11, 2008 10:55 PM ()
Janet, no one is judging, believe me. Most of us have probably been in the same situation so we know better than to judge. Your posts are so emotional and come from the heart. I would give anything if I could write like you....I feel all the emotion but I can't put it into words the way you do. You just keep blogging; we all love you.
comment by gapeach on Mar 11, 2008 6:27 PM ()
You owe nothing. We Luv You just the way you are. Defects and all (and I mean that is a good way because I don't associate with normal people- no appeal) LOL

just trying to lighten the mood Janet. Everything is more difficult when you have sick babies.
comment by gwensgifts on Mar 11, 2008 6:02 PM ()
Can I ask you something hun? Why do you think you have to censor yourself? Has anybody on here said anything to you about that? Write what you feel hun...get it out. No one is gonna be harder on you than you are on yourself. We love you...if they or we are true friends we will support you in whatever you do...or write. That's what friends do. Now we may not always agree with you...but that's ok. We may tell you something you don't want to hear....but friends do that too... Write....you do so beautifully....
comment by elfie33 on Mar 11, 2008 4:02 PM ()
You have nothing to apologize for. We all have our little bits of wisdom to offer just as we all have our little bits of effed-upness that taunt us. It's always easier to offer much needed advice than it is to take it. Blog openly. Blog freely. No one is going to judge you any harder than you already judge yourself.
comment by mellowdee on Mar 11, 2008 10:54 AM ()
Sometimes it's easier to look at other people's problems and see the answer right in front of you when your own problems seem so out there and impossible to fix. It's also good to be able to vent your problems anonymously as we all do here. No need for apologies, you have much to offer.
comment by meranda on Mar 11, 2008 10:27 AM ()
I like what mrsstu said. this is all about you healing, getting yourself back.
comment by elkhound on Mar 11, 2008 10:20 AM ()
Listen.
This is what you need to do and I'm telling you this because it's the only way I can blog as openly as I do: create a fake name. Ask Eddie to falsify your location. Do not post ANY real life pictures of yourself, your location, or anything. Make up names for the people you're referring and write your heart out sweetie. I promise you that if you can expel all that is inside you - freely - you, too, will be free.

It's amazing how empowering it is to get it ALL out of you and not have to really worry about any repercussions. Sure you'll always have judgment from people behind a computer (especially), but that's just it - they'll be behind a computer and have no proof of who you really are.

GL sunshine.
comment by mrsstu on Mar 11, 2008 10:17 AM ()

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