“Can’t she just come here?”

Don gets asked this a lot, apparently. I usually just hear, “Is Don still planning to move to Canada?” And when I answer, “yes”, I’m usually met with, “Well, that will be nice.” End of story.

Don, on the other hand, has been fielding far more curious and borderline nosey and judgemental questioning from his family and friends. And even though I don’t think any of them actually read my blog (aside from one co-worker, who shall remain nameless. Hello, out there! Can you please post a decent photo of yourself? My sister and I are trying to stalk you), I figured this was as good a forum as any to answer that question. Hell, maybe I’ll ask Don to direct those well meaning patriotic folks to my blog and save him the trouble of explaining. Might help him out a bit.

Now, to start with, it is a fair enough question. After all, it’s incredibly difficult to get into Canada these days, despite our pleas for “skilled workers”. That really means that we’d like some more doctors and a few trades people, too. The process is a long and arduous one, made more difficult by the fact that I am still, technically, married. Remember the whole “have to be separated for a year” thing? Right. Well. The clock is definitely ticking and there is a chance that Rock and I might be able to speed things up in the near future, but nothing this huge comes easy, right? So, moving to Canada with the intent of staying there permanently is far more difficult than it would seem. Fair enough.

Secondly, it’s a fair inquiry because Don would be giving up a lot. Even if you look past the fact that he has lived there his whole life, his family is located there and his friends are, too, there are other good reasons to ask. A very good job, with the US federal government, for starters.

And then there is the American stereotype to contend with. Now before your panties get in a knot and you start punching the keys on the keyboard, filling up the comment space with profanities, take a deep breath. Not everyone fits into the stereotype. That’s the thing about stereotypes in general. They’re unfair. BUT…they do come from somewhere. And because America is such a wonderful country for lots of reasons, for a lot of people, it might be hard to understand why not everyone wants to be an American. I get it. Believe me. Because I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t want to be a Canadian. Ha.

So there are three very good reasons for asking that inevitable question, “can’t she just come here?”

Now I’ll tell you why I can’t just go there.

First of all, we aren’t talking about a single person moving to another country, with nothing to leave behind but some friends and family and a good job. I don’t have just myself to account for. I have three small children who need to be considered and while, “They’re young…they’d get used to it” might make sense to some people, it doesn’t make sense to me. Because we aren’t talking solely about learning another country’s history and origins. We aren’t talking about a few extra geography lessons before they really understand how Canada is set up. We aren’t talking about simply teaching them another national anthem to sing at the beginning of the school day and at every hockey game.

It is so much more than that.

To assume that it would easier to rip three children away from not only their father but also their four sets of grandparents, all of whom have been a very strong presence in each of their lives and a slew of aunts, uncles and cousins, all of whom have also been present in their lives since they were born, is ignorant. These are the people that love them (to say nothing of the way that my children love those people) and children benefit the most when they have as many loving people in their lives as possible. Tearing them away from their extended family after they’ve already been torn away from their father would be a grave mistake.

And while we’re talking about children, now might be a good time to remind everyone that my children’s father, despite his recent asshole-ish tendencies, has an active role in their lives. And he also has rights.

Can anyone really blame him for refusing to allow his children to move to another country, 528 miles away from him? Even if you * could * blame him, the point is irrelevant because he won’t allow a move like that to happen.

And I would be arrested at the border for kidnapping.

And just for the record, I wouldn’t and COULDN’T leave my children behind. Not for anything. Not even for love. And I would challenge anyone to argue with me on this point.

The other part of the equation that is nearly always overlooked is that Don, for the most part, hasn’t been happy in his current life. And while my being in his home, waiting for him at the end of each workday would no doubt bring a smile to his face, this is the first time that he is allowing himself the power to stop settling for second best. This isn’t just about joining the person he loves (for either of us, actually). It’s about leaving behind a life that wasn’t really working and choosing happiness instead.

I will spare you the endless paragraphs about how wonderful Canada is. Really. I will. Because just as you are allowed to believe that America is the best in the world, I’m also entitled to believe the same about my own country. It baffles me that anyone would expect me to love my country of origin any less.

But with that said, I appreciate how random it all is. I even posted a blog about it a few months ago. And if it were just me, it would be another story entirely. But there’s really no point in going there…at least not today…because it isn’t only me.

And it’s not even the end of the story.

But it will do for today.

And I hope that answers your question.