My coffee maker died on Friday. It was sad. Very, very sad. It didn’t even complete a cycle, which meant that I didn’t get my normal three or four cups into me which meant that I never reached my target heart rate for the day and, well, just be glad nobody was hurt, okay?

Anyway, this meant that I needed a new coffee maker. Not so hard, right? Just go out and buy one. Except that I’m cheap. And poor. Well, mostly I’m poor. But it is hard to keep coffee makers in this house because our water is so hard and that makes the descaling process long and difficult. So that’s why I’m cheap when it comes to coffee makers.

I am going somewhere with this, I swear to Dog.

I went into town after Rock picked the kids up on Friday night and while I was shopping, I bought a very, very cheap coffee maker at Walmart. It was eleven dollars. The one that I used to have which broke and left me stranded Friday morning was a programmable one. You could set it to delay brew until the next morning. It was grand, believe me. No more waiting for coffee in the morning!

This new one doesn’t have the delay brew function, obviously. It was eleven dollars for Christ’s sake. This sucks ass. It doesn’t even have the sneak a cup feature, which also sucks ass and made for a very messy counter this morning when I decided I couldn’t stand it any more and needed to sneak a cup before the cycle was finished with.

So, I’ve figured out a loop hole. I’m brewing the coffee for tomorrow morning * now * and will just re-heat it in the morning. I know it won’t be fresh but I don’t really give a fuck. It’s better than waiting for the first jolt of caffeine.

So, while the coffee brews, I thought I would spend some time pestering my favourite blogging friends. And by pester, I mean natter on and on about nothing because that’s how I roll and I’m a bit tired because I skipped my evening B vitamin tonight by accident. God, I love B vitamins. I actually look forward to taking those yellow little fuckers in the morning and evening. I don’t know what I did without them.

Don is driving. Right now, as I tap this out, Don is driving. He didn’t leave until almost three o’clock. He has a tendency to stall when it’s time to leave. He takes a long time, fussing and farting around in his car, getting the GPS ready and organizing his drinks for the road (just Coke…don’t get any fancy ideas) and taking a B vitamin for extra energy. We kiss about three dozen times before he finally pulls out, only to pull into the gas station just down the road. And I have a tendency to watch him until he pulls out of the gas station and gets on the road to home.

He tells me that his “home” no longer feels like one. He feels more at home in my house in Ontario.

I guess he loves me.

I had a great weekend.

Shopping and fighting (we should really make a video of that. You all probably have visions of us speaking gently and softly to one another and while that is sometimes true, we also fight a lot. Not really about anything. We just enjoy bickering and making fun of one another. It makes strangers laugh.) and eating and kissing and talking and cuddling and fucking and driving and watching real estate shows and discussing Gordon Ramsey and drinking coffee and looking at flyers and planning and planning and planning. Sometimes, on weekends like this one past, it seems like the world is at our feet.

It’s a wonderful feeling.

It will only be three days until I see him again, which helps a lot. He is coming here for his American Thanksgiving. We’re going out for pizza with the kids and will probably then go and get a new Christmas tree. I can’t bring myself to put up the old one. I want new decorations, too. It is a year of newness, after all. Changes and moving forward and leaving the past where it was because, as Ani said, “the past didn’t go anywhere”.

It helps that I will see him on Wednesday, but it’s still hard, no matter what. I miss him. I’m excited but I miss him. My bedroom still smells like him. I won’t change the sheets so that I can sleep in his smell. He has clothes at my house, on purpose, and I like it. I’ll miss having someone to drink coffee with. I’ll miss having someone hold me tonight.

I had a, um, black out last night. Or so Don tells me. This happens every now and then to me. I have no recall whatsoever of what happens. There is usually a trigger. Some kind of flashback to something traumatic that happened years ago. It’s a lot better than it used to be, that’s for sure. But it can be quite scary for the person who is laying next to me.

Anyway, like I said, I have no recall of the flashback or the black out. But I do recall someone holding me in the night and telling me that I was a good girl.

I feel safe in his arms. Safer than I’ve ever felt in my whole life. Protected. And calm.

I will miss that tonight, too.

I have eaten too much chocolate. Way too much chocolate. We bought a Toblerone bar at Zellers yesterday because Don had never tried one. It was calling my name by the time I logged onto MyBloggers to do my Spots catching up. I ate too much of it and made myself feel sick. You think I would have learned after losing the Kit Kat belly, eh?

My kidlets are home. The girls were in a pretty good mood when they got home tonight so I think they had a decent weekend. Apparently Michael was cranky. Rock was full of complaints. But then, he’s an asshole, so who knows.

Rock’s step mother cut Michael’s hair. I’m not impressed. At all. I didn’t want him to have his first hair cut. And I certainly didn’t want him to have his first hair cut without me. Secondly, she cut off his dreads. And I’m not impressed with that at all, either. Say what you will about my mothering abilities, but I loved his little dreads. I loved my little punk rock dude. They saved the dreads for me which further proves that he knew I loved those dreads. I wanted to shove the plastic bag down Rock’s throat.

I have a little unresolved anger about the whole thing.

The kiddies will go to their Dad’s again next weekend, mostly just because when Rock and I discussed November I still thought I might be heading to Massachusetts for American Thanksgiving. Since I’m not, it means another grown up weekend with Don. I’m not complaining. It will be nice to sleep in and such again. To be wrapped up with him and completely absorbed.

But I’m glad to have my wee ones home again. I missed them. The drive me bat shit but I missed them.

And on that note, I can smell coffee so I think it’s done. And that means I can head to bed with the phone tucked under my pillow, waiting for Don’s call to say he made it home okay.

I hope you all had as good a weekend as we did.

I really do.